You Raise Me Up
by Pandora Angel Alice
Summary: “When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one.” He helped her gain back the hope she thought she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU
1. Prologue: Dear Diary

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary: **  
When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I think I'm stuck on the fourth one. IchiRuki; AU

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Inspiration:** Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and_ Saving Zoe_ by Alyson Noel, plus a lot of other stuff.

* * *

**WARNINGS (PLEASE READ): **Substance abuse, alcoholism, mentions of adult situations (but nothing too bad), and many other things. Don't like it, here's your chance to turn back.

**Prologue:  
Dear Diary…**

_There is no life - no life without its hunger;  
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;  
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,  
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity_

_-You Raise Me Up-_

* * *

**December 9, 2009  
8:29 PM**

Snow fell silently from the inky depths of which it blossomed.

I lay, unmoving, sprawled out on my bed, my navy blue fleece blanket covering half of my body, a little purple book in my hands. This is the price of a seventeen year old with more issues than you can imagine.

_Dear diary… no. It's not gonna be one of those, 'And as fate pulls me into the stormy ocean known only as life…' no. It's not gonna roll that way. Uh-uh. I refuse. No matter how badly that quack therapist wants me to. I'm gonna do this _my way_._ I thought to myself.

I tapped my pencil to my chin. Watching paint dry is more amusing than this. But, if it helps some people, why wouldn't it help me?

Oh, right… I'm not _some people_.

So, without further ado, I wrote.

And wrote. And thought.

_I'm just gonna cut the crap and head straight to the point._

_My life totally sucks._

…_Okay, maybe that was a little far-fetched. I'm not usually so… angry. Of course I _get_ angry; my nature is naturally short-tempered. It was just kicked into overdrive when Hisana died. Plane crash… what a shitty way to die._

_She wasn't really a Kuchiki. Neither was I. That was her boyfriend's (Fiancé's) last name, but she wanted to be called that. I just thought it sounded cooler than our real name._

_Rukia Kiyoshi. No. I didn't like it._

_The only one who's ever gonna read this would be my therapist, Dr. Katsuki... _maybe_. But if it somehow ends up like Anne Frank's… well, then, I should just explain._

_Hisana Kuchiki was my older sister by nine years. I'm seventeen now. She was twenty-three when she died. You do the math. I was pretty depressed the first year, and it all went downhill after I hit sixteen. That's when… well, that was when alcohol came into my life._

_Not drugs, though. I'd never be that screwed. Not like Momo, anyway. Momo Hinamori was one of my closest friends since middle school. Heroin really screwed her up. And the worst part is her parents didn't even do anything until it was too late. __She's not dead; she's just in too far deep for anything to help her. I'm not even so sure she wants help anymore. I'm usually surprised if I _do_ see her at school._

_Next up: Orihime Inoue. She's actually somebody worth calling a friend. And she's _totally_ clean. I'm actually a little jealous. Her life must be so _goddamned perfect_ that she doesn't need anything to numb her mind. Honor roll, rich family, breasts that would make any woman turn green with jealousy…_

_She's a goddess._

_And me? I don't compare. Well… there is one trait I suppose I win over. I'm not as annoying. I love Inoue like a sister, don't get me wrong, but her voice is so… squeaky. It makes me want to punch her._

I blink, startled at the revelation. Maybe therapy _is_ a good release for me.

_Tatsuki Arisawa. What can I say? Almost as clean as Inoue… well, save for her staying in the slammer one night for assault. The bastard had it coming, though. _Nobody_ grabbed Tatsuki's ass and lived to tell the tale._

_Except him._

_Dawn Hunter. My American-born best friend. She's pretty spotless, too. Actually, she's the normal one in our little group. Nice family… two brothers, and her dad. A 3.89 GPA and a middle-class Tokyo lifestyle. Nothing too extravagant._

_And finally… family. I have a dad. He's… nice. But even after seventeen years, I barely know him. He tries to reach out, to get to know me, but I know it's only for the sake of my dead mother. Hisana's old boyfriend, Byakuya… I guess. He's quiet. Reserved. But really, he's like my brother._

_I wished they had gotten married._

_That's about all there is to know about me… for now._

_Peace out. Rukia K._

I put the pencil down.

My name, as you might have already figured out, is Rukia Kuchiki. I'm seventeen (If you didn't read that part of my story already.). I have dark, liquid blue eyes (Courtesy of my mother's Italian family) and jet-black hair (Courtesy of my father's Japanese-Korean heritage.). I'm pretty good at swallowing my pride, and acting like nothing's wrong.

But, if you want the truth, everything's wrong.

I live in a world where death is a natural occurrence. A world where it's okay to go crazy with depression, with hurt, with loneliness. A world that merges dangerously with the normal, human world. With the worlds of people like Orihime and Dawn and Tatsuki.

But people like Momo and I… we come from that damned _other _world. The world inside our own minds. I can't say I'm not in it… I wouldn't be talking like this if I weren't. I'm just not in _too far deep_. Momo is. We lost her a long time ago.

Lost her to a place, she's not coming back from.

* * *

"Dead girl walking," Keigo Asano whispered warningly to one of his best friends, Ichigo Kurosaki. Ichigo raised a brow, looking at the girl Keigo was talking about.

"Hinamori? What's wrong with her?" Mizuiro nearly laughed. "It's been nearly a year and a half. You honestly don't know? Have you been living under a rock or something?" Ichigo snorted. "No, you know I don't get into gossip and school politics as much as you two do. What's wrong with her?"

Mizuiro's voice lowered an octave. "She just got back from rehab… _again_. Don't tell me you haven't heard about the _real her_ yet." His eyes narrowed curiously. "Of course I know about her drinking problems…" Keigo shook his head, an incredulous look on his face. "Naw, not that! Her heroin problems."

"Heroin? She's…"

"Yep. It's a shame, too. She was honor roll before her brother died." Mizuiro shrugged, and walked to Chemistry, Keigo close behind.

Ichigo's eyes narrowed. _Momo? Really? Her brother died two years ago… and to think, most of us thought drinking was the worst of her problems._

"Hey, get your head out of the clouds." A playful voice said happily, although there was a hint of sleepiness. Ichigo turned, and half-smiled at the girl behind him. "Hey, Dawn." Dawn giggled softly. "Hey," She sang, and looked down the hall. Her brows knit together in a worried frown.

"I worry about that girl… she goes to school like, what, once a month, and dreads every minute of it." She sighed. "Maybe a few more trips to rehab will straighten her out." Dawn had been saying that forever. Maybe this, maybe that.

Maybe not.

"So… uh, what do you think, Ich?"

Ichigo shook his head. "I'd rather not say." _I don't think a few more trips to rehabilitation will do much good._

Dawn nodded. "I understand. Tell Zuzu I said hey, and that I'd teach 'Rin that new soccer move on Friday, okay?" Dawn had a pretty tight relationship with Ichigo; they'd known each other since sixth grade. Of course she'd know Ichigo's little sisters, Karin and Yuzu Kurosaki. It didn't compare to Tatsuki and Ichigo's eight year friendship, though. Dawn coached Karin's soccer team occasionally, so they were pretty close, too.

"Will do, see you in English."

"Catch you later."

* * *

"Have you seen Rukia?" Orihime asked later in the day. Tatsuki shook her head.

"I was hoping you'd know."

Orihime looked down, staring intently at her shoes.

"…I'll call her later."

* * *

"Rukia, could you get the door?"

I was at home. My father didn't care, not really. I decided not to go to school one day, he just nods and calls the office before work. I don't stay home often, though. It's too boring. TV, I guess… but my friends are so much better. It's like our own little combination of Gossip Girl and Twilight, just no vampires.

Nobody falls in love, either.

"Sure, _dad_, why not?" I asked sarcastically. He gave me that helpless bachelor look. "Please? Could you just do it?" I attempted a real, true smile, and nodded. He smiled back. "Thank you, sweetie."

_Pushing it…_ I thought with a growl. I opened the door. "Byakuya?" I looked at my sister's ex, confusion in my eyes. I hadn't talked to him since the day before Hisana died. He stood, clad in a white t-shirt, covered by a black jacket, and jeans. "Why… what are you doing here?"

He offered me a small, untrained smile. It was so obvious he'd barely done it before. I offered one of my own. "I… uh, I heard about your therapy sessions." I nodded numbly. "It already got to you? I only started last Monday."

He bit his lip. "Uh… Hisana, she left this at my apartment. I kept it after… you know. Didn't think anybody else would want it. But… all things considering… maybe you should take it. For good luck, or… I don't know." He handed me a small black book, bound by a purple ribbon.

Hisana's diary.

My mouth was dry. "T-thanks, Byakuya." I could feel the tears threatening to break through. I couldn't cry. Not here. Not now. Not when Byakuya Kuchiki was standing right there, in my doorway.

That would just be rude.

"I'll be going." He whispered, waving goodbye and walking away. I shut the door, and walked slowly to the kitchen. I sat down on the dining room table. My dad looked up at me, a confused and worried expression on his face. "Baby girl? Are you okay?"

I bit my lip, closed my eyes, buried my head in my arms, and sobbed twice.

I clutched the diary tight.

* * *

Her diary lay on my dresser, looking innocent.

I bit my lip. Should I? It would be an invasion of privacy. But I knew _everything_ about Hisana Kuchiki. But, then, that would just make reading it pointless, right?

But what if she was hiding things?

I felt my hand reaching for it, vaguely. You raise me up by Lena Park stopped me dead in my tracks. I looked over, and blinked at my phone. I looked over at my alarm clock… only ten after four. School was over. I missed the whole day. Of course somebody would be calling me.

"Hello?" My voice was hoarse. I barely recognized it.

"_Hey, Rukia! Where were you today? Everybody missed you!" _You, Tatsuki, and Dawn missed me. Everybody else thought nothing of it. "Sorry," I apologized. "I was feeling… sick." I lied. I just didn't want to go.

"_Oh …" _Orihime sounded sympathetic. _"That really sucks, you know? I heard a bug was being passed around… are you gonna be well enough to come back tomorrow?"_ She was buying it too easily.

"Maybe." Or maybe I'll wake up feeling even shittier tomorrow and kill myself. "I'll see. Either way, I'll talk to you tomorrow, kay?" Or maybe not. _"Okay, I'll talk to you later. Bye!"_

There was five stages of grieving, or so I've heard.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

I think I'm stuck on number four.

I wonder if I will be… forever.

* * *

**I think it's a little too short.**

**Hm… I think I may like this story. Rukia, a troubled teen who's haunted by her sister's death, and Ichigo, an orange-headed daredevil who might give her hope she had long-since lost.**

**Or maybe I'm just being weird. Review and please share!**

**-TMU**


	2. You Said It'd Be Easy

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary: **  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and**_** Saving Zoë **_**by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

SONG IN HISANA'S DIARY IS _**SOMEDAY WHEN I STOP LOVING YOU**_ BY** Carrie Underwood.**

SECOND SONG IS _**PLAY ON**_ BY **Carrie Underwood**.

* * *

**Chapter one:  
You Said It'd be Easy**

_When life offers you a dream so far beyond any  
of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve  
when it comes to an end._

_- Twilight_

* * *

Dad was at work when it happened. No surprise.

So, being the responsible fifteen year old that I was at the time, I politely answered the door and found out the God-awful truth. I was the first to know about Hisana's death. Aside from the police, that is. And Byakuya, of course. Not to mention all the innocent people who were killed along with her.

I should've known something was wrong when they asked, "Can we please speak to your parents?"

I was just doing what I usually did after school. I sat, unmoving in front of the television, staring blankly at a rerun of BONES. Booth had just saved Brennan from getting shot… _again_. I was just sitting there when the doorbell rang.

And I got the worst news of my life.

My world was pure. Pure, utter light. The silhouette of the forest glowed in the magnificent sensation of purity. I gasped for air. This world was crafted so beautifully, but I only felt pain.

Why is that?

Did I follow her? In my state of depression, did I choose to follow my sister? Is this my punishment for taking my own life? I looked around, still gasping wildly. Hyperventilating, that was it. I'm surprised I was able to think so clearly in this state. "H-Hisa…" I tried to yell out her name, but no sound came out other than my hurried breaths.

Why can't I remember?

"Hisana!" Her name ripped from my throat, and I found myself back in the safety of my own bedroom. I was still having trouble breathing. I looked around, almost frantically. Her diary was sitting in my lap. I had managed to read the first two pages before I was knocked out. My eyes drifted to the clock. It was almost two in the morning.

Maybe I _wouldn't_ go to school tomorrow. Or today. Whatever. I huffed, rereading the first two lines.

_Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away. _She always used to say that. She was the more optimistic of the two of us, anyway. The second line read, _I was trapped in one of those horrifyingly accurate nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can never outrun the horrifying _beast_ that's chasing you. I could barely remember anything except my screaming and the pain I felt._ Was that what triggered my own nightmare?

I felt tempted to read the rest, but decided against it.

I took out my own journal instead.

_December 10, 2009  
1:57 AM_

_Byakuya gave me Hisana's old diary._

_I read the first two lines. And then, had a nightmare. Does fate or some higher power really hate me so much?_

_Will write more later. Rukia K._

_Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away. –Hisana K.  
I was trapped in one of those horrifyingly accurate nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can never outrun the horrifying beast that's chasing you. I could barely remember anything except my screaming and the pain I felt. –Hisana K._

I shut the book. Sealed it closed with a red ribbon. Sighed. Put it away. Waited.

For what, though, I have absolutely no clue.

* * *

**Morning  
8:39 AM**

"Rukia…" Orihime murmured as I walked in late, to second period English. I smirked silently to myself. Did I really look like crap?

"Rukia!" Ms. Ochi scolded. I looked up lazily. "Hm?" I was too tired to actually speak. "You're late," I snorted. _Thank you Captain Obvious. _"What's your excuse this time?" I yawned. "I slept in. Only had about three hours last night, you know."

She obviously didn't expect such a straight-forward answer. She was probably expecting a half-assed excuse, like I normally gave. Something along the lines of, 'Does it really, honestly matter if I'm late or not? I'm here, aren't I?' "You okay, Ms. O?" Dawn asked innocently. I smiled to myself. _I have _got_ to thank her later._

"I… uh, I'm fine, Dawn. Rukia, take your seat. Class, let's continue. Open your books to page 429…" I yawned again. Dawn turned to look at me, and she winced slightly. "Damn," She whistled, "You look like crap. You get run over by a bus on your way here?" I chuckled dryly. "Huh, I look that bad?"

"Worse," Ichigo told me from his seat next to Dawn. I shrugged. Ichigo was my friend, I guess. It depended on how you looked at it. He was nice, sometimes, but I never actually talked to him. I didn't care about what he said, anyway. He could've told the entire world I slept with him and I wouldn't care.

…After I finished beating him within an inch of his life, anyway.

"Gee, thanks Ichigo." I said sarcastically, leaning back in my chair. I slumped again, resting my head on my arms. I let out a muffled yawn.

"Wake me when this period ends." I murmured, letting myself fall deeply into sleep.

I never noticed Ichigo and Dawn's concerned faces.

* * *

"Hinamori was here yesterday?" I perked up, looking at Inoue. She nodded solemnly. "Yeah. She just got back from rehab. Haven't you… talked to her? At all?" They all thought I knew everything about Momo because we were in the same boat. We weren't even in the same _ocean_.

"No… I think she changed her number. She hasn't called me. How 'bout you guys?" Tatsuki and Orihime shook their heads. Dawn shrugged. "She left me a voicemail sometime last month. Asked me if anything new was going on. I tried calling her the next day, but no go." Inoue got that Nancy Drew look in her eyes again. "Now why would Hinamori want to know about school? She hardly ever goes!"

"I don't know," I said, rubbing my temples with my hands. "Oh… damn. As if feeling like you're gonna pass out from lack of sleep isn't bad enough. Now I've got a fucking_ headache_." Tatsuki rolled her eyes at me. "Aw, quit it, would you? Stop being a baby. I don't wanna here you unless your head's about to be split open, alright?"

I glared. "Fine."

We didn't talk for the rest of lunch.

* * *

"_One foot's on the bus 'bout half past nine… I knew that you were leaving this time. I thought about lying down in its path, thinking that you might get off for that." _I sang the lyrics Hisana had wrote down in her _perfect_ cursive, smiling to myself. I was in last period, study hall. I was crouched next to the library's 'dark romance' bookcase. I felt a presence sit down next to me. I didn't have to look to know who it was.

The smell of irises really gave it away.

"Hey, Dawn." I said, not looking up. She smiled broadly at me. "Hey. What'cha reading?" I shut the diary with a sigh.

"Do you remember Byakuya Kuchiki?" She got a dreamy look in her hazel eyes. "You mean your sister's _totally sexy_ fiancé? Hell yes I do!" She shouted the last part. The librarian shushed us from a couple feet away, chastising her for her rudeness and choice of language.

A few students snickered softly. Others shot us dirty looks. A couple of guys smiled at us, winking. Some girls scoffed.

Dawn grinned sheepishly. "What about him, Rukia?" I sighed, handing her the little book. She took it curiously. "This would be…?" I bit my lip. "He came by my house a few days ago. You know I started therapy right?" Dawn blinked. "You really took Orihime's advice? Surprising, and you're a really predictable person."

"Wow, thanks, Dawn." I said sarcastically. "Anyway, that's Hisana's old journal. He wanted me to keep it." Dawn looked at the little book, and then handed back to me with a soft sigh. I blinked. "You're not gonna read it? Aren't you curious?" She snorted. "Hell _yeah_ I'm curious, but that's your sister's personal thoughts and secrets. Do I really strike you as that type of girl?"

"Yes." I spoke without hesitation. "You'd take Orihime's or my journal in a flat second if we gave any indication we had one. And then you'd post it on the internet."

"I would, but not if you were six feet under." She spoke softly, almost sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Ru, but I was taught to respect the dead. And that means no reading other people's personal thoughts and feelings!" She grinned foxily at me. I shook my head. Dawn Hunter was too much. She grinned, getting up and walking away.

The bell rang. The day was over and done with.

"_I bet all I had on a thing called love… I guess in the end it wasn't enough. And it's hard to watch you leave right now… I'm gonna have to learn to let you go somehow…" _I sang the rest of her song softly to myself.

_I'll move on baby just like you. When the desert floods And the grass turns blue. When a sailing ship don't need her moon. It'll break my heart but I'll get through. Someday when I stop loving you._

* * *

**Friday, December 11, 2009  
11:58 PM**

I hopped out of dad's 2007 Jeep Wrangler. He was at home right now, probably asleep. He wouldn't have missed me. Not much, if anything. He was just one of those dads who wanted to know their daughter, but didn't do anything until it was much too late.

His 'too late' passed two and a half years ago.

I huffed in the cold winter air, almost mesmerized by the puffs of misty air I was making with my short, hot breaths. I would kill to just get back in that car and drive back home. Not yet, though. I had to do this. Had to do this when there was still time and dad wouldn't question where I was going.

I walked into the cemetery. Looked from left to right. And then, I saw it.

Two headstones, side by side. They were bare, aside from the beautifully carved wording.

On Hisana's; _In loving memory of Hisana M. Kiyoshi. "Don't ever give up the fight."_

"You say that when you _did_ give up." I smiled bitterly. "Even in the storm on the darkest night…" I murmured some more words from her diary to myself, looking over at my mother's grave.

_Haruka S. Madoka Kiyoshi. Beloved wife, sister, and mother. May she rest in peace._

"Sorry for the lack of flowers, guys." I smiled absentmindedly. "Slipped my mind. I was too eager to get outta there when daddy was sleeping." I said 'daddy' in a malicious tone. "He doesn't let me use the car much anymore. Not since that kid… Um… I think his name was Hotaru or something, died last year. Still has a lot of parents on edge. You probably would be too, huh?" I felt a little silly talking to a headstone.

But, strangely, it made me feel better.

"Um… so, I'll visit later. Bye." I said the words quickly, like I wanted to get out of there. I did. I fast walked away, and as I did, something caught my eye.

No… not some_thing_, some_one_. "…Ichigo?" I whispered, ducking behind a tree. Why was he here so late at night? He was kneeling down in front of a headstone, which had fresh roses on it. My brows knitted together in confusion. I bit my lip to stop myself from calling his name.

"What the hell is he doing here?" I asked myself again, taking a step forward. I stepped on a leaf, making just a little noise.

He seemed to hear me, though, because the next second, he was looking at me, confusion in his ocher eyes.

"…Rukia?"

* * *

_Damn it._

I cursed myself silently. "Um… hey, Kurosaki. Fancy meeting you here." I said in the most innocent and girly voice I could muster. He smiled softly. "Hey, Rukia. What're you doing out here, so late? Little kids like you shouldn't be hangin' out here." I growled. He loved teasing me about my height, or lack thereof.

"Shut up, Strawberry-boy. I was… visiting somebody."

His eyes softened. "Sorry." He murmured, and I had to strain my ears to hear it. I shrugged, swallowing the lump in my throat. "S'okay. Just my sister and my mom… lived without mom half my life. I'm still having a little trouble getting over sis, though. And… you?"

His eyes shifted from the headstone and back to me. "My mom, too. She… died when I was nine." My mouth felt dry. "I-I'm so sorry…" This was the first time I ever felt sorry for somebody other than myself, in a while.

He shrugged. "I've gotten over it, in some ways. Why are you here so late?" He asked, sitting down on the grass, motioning for me to do the same. I plopped down, hesitantly. _My dad doesn't let me drive anymore, and he's too much of a fucking prick to visit._ "I don't get the car very often. Dad uses it for work all the time, and refuses to get me one of my own." At least that last part was true.

"I feel your pain," Ichigo chuckled. "That's why I'm here late, too. My own father runs a clinic, and he needs the car, just in case of an emergency." I smiled. This was the first time I've ever really _talked_ with Ichigo Kurosaki, and it's about the most traumatizing subjects in my life.

"Whoa!"

"Ah!"

He suddenly jolted forward when the sprinklers turned on, and, out of instinct, grabbed my hand and made a mad dash to the road.

We were laughing the entire time.

And I still refused to accept the redness of my cheeks were a blush, but instead, a flush from all the adrenaline.

I also refused to accept the fact I was completely and utterly wrong.

* * *

**MERRY CHRISTMAS/CHRISTMAS EVE!! It actually depends on where you are in the world. But I'm in California, so it's Christmas Eve. So… Merry Christmas. Or whatever it is you celebrate, whether is be Hanukah or Kwanzaa or something else.**

**I just adore IchiRuki, don't you? …Stupid question. Of course you do!**

**Please review, and I'll update ASAP!!**

**-TMU**


	3. Missed Word

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary: **  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and**_** Saving Zoë **_**by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

* * *

**Chapter Two:  
Missed Word**

_Black eyes, wild with their fierce craving for my death, watched for the moment  
when my protector's attention would be diverted.  
The moment when I would surely die._

_-Eclipse (Twilight Saga)_

* * *

**Saturday, December 19, 2009  
Noon**

It's been nearly a week since the incident at the cemetery. I still smiled at thought of that one joyous moment.

The one moment where I felt secure enough to tell somebody about my mother and Hisana, somebody who wasn't my best friend, or my over-protective parent, or forcibly by my therapist.

…Speaking of therapy, that's where I was now. In therapy. Sitting there, watching me like a hawk was Dr. Tsukiyo Katsuki. Her bright jade eyes were cold and calculating. I shivered under the scrutiny. Her managable, beautiful, shiny blonde hair was pulled up into a careless bun. Finally, she sighed.

"Rukia," She started, her voice stern, "You seem… different. Are you feeling well?" I blinked. "I feel perfectly fine, Tsukiyo." She hated it when I used her first name. "Is the diary trick working?"

I scowled. Not a diary. It's a journal. "For the most part, yeah. It's better than telling _you_ everything that's going on in my mind." And just like that, we were back to square one. Her trying her best to keep her patience, and me, bitching at every chance I could.

Some might've called it disrespectful, but I called it a coping technique. Or whatever.

"Has anything new been going on?"

I thought. I really, truly thought. "My father started on Prozac. Again." I only spoke the truth. He hadn't started up on the anti-depressants since mom's funeral. He may have taken some after the cops told us about Hisana, but it was certainly in secret. After I started therapy is when he really went a little depressed. Maybe he worried that another one of his precious daughters would be slipping away from him.

"And… how do you feel about that? Resentful? Or perhaps fearful?" I looked at her like she had just told me she was going to kill me.

"Resentful? Maybe a little… but that's only because he worries so damn much about himself, and doesn't give a damn about how _I'm_ coping. Did you know he only _agreed _to therapy for _me_? I'm the one who brought it _up_! He never considered my feelings!"

Tsukiyo stayed silent, letting me rant.

"Fearful… fearful, maybe, yes, because I might end up _just like _that asshole! I may end up, years from now, alone, still grieving over the past and how I could've changed it!"

"Very good," Tsukiyo said a few moments after I calmed down. "That's very good Rukia. I _want_ you to open up. I _want_ you to tell me your real feelings. That's what therapy's for. So you can let it all out, and open up more. So you won't take your anger out on anything else."

"I'm not crazy." I said defensively. I wasn't. I was just grieving. After two and a half years, I was still learning to channel my anger and cope.

"That's a bit extreme, don't you think?" She looked dryly at me. "And besides, who knows what mere anger or resentful feelings could lead to?" Tsukiyo attempted a smile.

She failed miserably.

I considered this. Who really _did_ know? I felt some respect for Tsukiyo flicker in the back of my mind. "Now," She began again. "I will see you next week. Session over."

I sighed.

"Finally!"

* * *

"That therapist you recommended? Tsukiyo? Yeah, she isn't very good at her job."

Inoue only laughed at my complaints.

* * *

"Hey, dad." I muttered, walking into the house.

He muttered a hurried hello, before quickly swallowing some pills. His 'happy pills'.

He must've really felt like shit.

_Good_, I said to myself, _maybe you'll wake up and smell the roses. Maybe you'll actually think hard enough, and remember you're not the only one with a shitty life._ I glared at him, before my eyes softened slightly. He wasn't worth pissing me off.

He also wasn't completely ignorant about my drinking. Most parents would've stopped me by now, sent me to rehab, cut me off, but he didn't. He just pretended like everything could fix itself.

_Stupid… uncaring… son of a bitch._

I called Tatsuki. Voicemail. _Hey, I'm not here, so deal. Leave a message at the beep!_ I didn't bother.

I didn't need to talk to Orihime. She'd just talk about therapy again.

Momo. …She wouldn't pick up.

Dawn. Now there was a wild card. She could pick up our conversation about my sister, or she could jump to something really random, like how gross some game shows could get. Or maybe something _really_ stupid, like why a mermaid's tail is almost always blue or silver. That's what she ranted about last time I called her.

Who knew?

I sighed. Decided to text her.

_Good n' Broken: Dawn. Heyy, whts up??_

It took her a minute to respond. Like always.

_**Breaking Dawn: Lol, RUKIA?! Omg, I havnt tlkd to u in like 4eva! Thru da phone, anyway.**_

_Good n' Broken: Yea, srry bout that. U ever been 2 therapy? Dnt go, it sux ass._

_**Breaking Dawn: It cnt be dat bad. Ur over reacting.**_

_Good n' Broken: And to think, I thought ud actually agree w/ me!!_

_**Breaking Dawn: Like I said, dnt overreact. Itll pass. Maybe. I never went.**_

_Good n' Broken: U r lucky._

A pause.

_Good n' Broken: Dawn?_

_**Breaking Dawn: I 4got to ask. Whts up with ur sig? Good and Broken? Is it lik the Hannah Montana song?**_

_Good n' Broken: God no! It's just… I dk. It just came to me._

_**Breaking Dawn: 'Just came to you?' Lol.**_

_Good n' Broken: How bout yours? Breaking Dawn?_

_**Breaking Dawn: …My name's Dawn, and I've broken over a hundred bones in my lifetime. Sue me.**_

_Good n' Broken: Lol. Srry. I g2g. C ya._

_**Breaking Dawn: So soon? Lol. Bye :p**_

We signed off.

Needless to say, Dawn's through-text pep talks never worked.

I never came out peppy enough.

* * *

_**Entry 3**_

_The snow hasn't melted yet. I'm glad; Rukia was hoping it wouldn't for a while._

_Sometimes, that girl is just _too cute_. We're outside, now. She's trying to make a snowman. Well, I guess I should go help her. She's having trouble with the head._

_-Hisana Kuchiki_

* * *

_I watched "Masahiro" with Orihime and Dawn today. They're fucking _crybabies_ when something as common as death comes up._

_Or maybe I'm just so used to it that I didn't think much of it._

_It was, overall, an okay movie. I'd rate it four point one stars out of five. I could've done without the murders and all that shit, but that's what made the move. Tch. Damn producers. They just love killing people and talking about shit that makes a person's skin crawl, don't they?_

_Poor kid. I wonder if anybody really does feel that way._

_Maybe Hisana's reading this entry now._

_Maybe mom is, too._

_Or maybe not._

_Maybe they're too busy… wherever they are._

_I'll write more later on. I'm too tired to think anymore. Good night._

…_I'm pathetic. Saying 'good night' to a goddamned book._

_Whatevs. Bye._

* * *

I never really noticed it until I started the sessions with Tsukiyo. But… people talk. A lot. Hisana may have been quiet, she may have been reserved, but she was still Karakura's own personal Angel. She was a saint, a goddess. She never said never, she wasn't a daredevil. She did what she could to make sure everybody loved and respected the people precious to her.

And that's what made people talk.

I could remember, just weeks after the news of the crash had been broadcasted, people whispering. Talking. Pointing. I could remember the 'I'm sorry,' cards. I could remember that little memorial shrine people put together for her. Filled with letters, poems, stuffed animals… you get the picture.

I remember it so well.

And people began thinking. Not just about us. But about the atmosphere around us. Orihime's brother, Tatsuki's stepmother, Momo's dad, Dawn's mom… they all said that I needed space. Not to come over, not to bother me. But I knew… it wasn't because of that.

People avoid others, because of the awkwardness tragedy brings.

So… people talked. When I first jumped into high school, right after the incident, I could remember Hisana's old friends, Hisana's old teachers, old neighbors…

They whispered.

"_That's her… yeah. She's the little sister. Rukia, I think her name is."_

They said hurried apologies. Tried to watch what they said.

"_My little sister's so annoying! Sometimes I wish she'd just disappear… oh my god. I… I-I'm so sorry, Rukia! I didn't mean for it to sound… like, you know… how it sounded…"_

They gossiped.

"_Plane crash? No, no. I thought she was in a car crash."_

"_Psh. Did you not see the news? Plane, no doubt."_

They didn't care about _us_. I hardly cared about us.

We only cared about Hisana.

All about Hisana.

* * *

If you could classify my friends and me, it'd be put into these terms.

Orihime; the perky one. She was happy all the time. She had a bright, bright smile that was nothing but contagious. She loved people. She wasn't exactly confident, she stuttered and stumbled a lot, but she was always full of laughter. Always full of joy. Her gray eyes automatically said that, and her auburn locks made you think 'sunlight.'

Tatsuki; the daredevil. She loved fights. She loved starting fights. She had been in karate since she was nine. She was the type of girl you just _didn't_ say no to. She wasn't like Orihime, who you _couldn't_ say no to because of that damned innocent air of hers, no, you _didn't_ say no to Tatsuki Arisawa because she'd always kick your ass later. Her spiky dark hair and matching dark eyes saw to that.

Momo; before the drugs, she was the naïve, hopelessly innocent one. That's probably what got her in so deep in the first place. She always used to have this childish, innocent, _silly_ nature about her. She used to laugh, have fun, and wasn't afraid to be herself, to let loose her inner child. Her short, black hair and dark doe brown eyes spelled 'innocence'.

Dawn; the patient, durable one. She could be stubborn, that's for sure. But she knew when to quit. When to say no, when to have fun or settle down. She knew when to aim high or stay low. She was one of those people who could move on and away from grief. She could forget her inner demons, if just for a while. She had dark black hair and hazel eyes that showed the inner strength she held.

And then there's me. The _other_ one. The one in denial. The regretful one. The one who loves to drown herself in a river of self-pity. I always used to think (and still do occasionally) that the others were prettier or better off than I was. And it's true. My hair's black and boring and kind of limp, and my eyes are dead. I'm practically nothing. And you know, for people like me, there's only one thing that runs through our minds…

Miracles? Yeah, they don't exist.

* * *

I was quickly getting entranced by my sister's old diary. I used to think I knew everything about her… but now I know I really didn't. I thought I did, which made these new revelations and old recollections all the more intriguing.

So how do you think I felt when I found a letter to me, by her, in her diary?

Shocked would be my main emotion at the time.

_To my little sister Rukia,_

_I have no idea why I'm writing you a letter in my diary. Maybe it's just in case something happens to me. Maybe. Or maybe it's one last shot at farewell before I head off to college. Granted, I'll only be a few miles away. In Tokyo. It's not very far. I'll visit often, I promise._

_You're only nine. I really wouldn't expect you to think of anything so… morbid. You know I'll never leave you, right? Right? I can't promise that I'll be with you forever and ever, physically, but I'll always be in your heart, in your soul, and hopefully, your mind._

_Don't forget me, okay, sissy?_

_Goodbye, farewell, and please, take care.  
Hisana._

After I finished reading that, I don't think anything could've stopped the tears.

* * *

**December 29, 2009**

"What're you doing this year?" Orihime asked me later that day. We were in the park. "Any big b-day plans?" My birthday was a good three weeks away, but Orihime was weird like that.

I shrugged. "Nothing special. Maybe I'll spend it with Byakuya." Fat chance. Sure, Orihime, Tatsuki, and Dawn knew about my dad's happy pills, so they for sure knew I wouldn't be spending it with him. But even though I considered Byakuya as a god before the accident, there was something about him, now.

He used to be… I don't know. More carefree, maybe. He was still reserved, for sure. Maybe that's what attracted Hisana to him. She needed a big, tough guy to help her through the rough patches, to help her through it all. But I digress. He was… different now. He never smiled anymore, and automatically strikes you as a handsome, grief-stricken widower.

He'd changed from a quiet, somewhat happy guy to an even quieter, reserved man with death written in his blue eyes. A small sliver maturity, perhaps. Or maybe he's still in shock. Hey, he's not the only one.

"_Byakuya_?" Dawn whined. "Lucky. I wish I could spend my birthday with him!" Dawn had had a hopeless schoolgirl crush on Byakuya since we had introduced him. She was always pining over him when anybody brought him up. I couldn't help but smile, dropping my chin in the palm of my hand. I stared intently at my navy blue sweater sleeve.

I smiled.

It felt like my first in a long, long time…

Sometimes, I want to forget about myself, and wonder 'what if'. What if I had died and Hisana had lived? What if the plane never crashed? What if she missed her flight?

How much would've changed?

* * *

**Heyz. I'm back. I'm really happy with all the feedback I'm getting. Thanks you guys!**

**Please don't forget to review. Constructive criticism and pats on the back are always welcome!**

**-TMU**


	4. Myself: Yourself

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary:  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU**

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and****Saving Zoë****by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

* * *

**Chapter Three:  
Myself; Yourself  
**_**Watashi Jishin, Jibun Jishin**_

_As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my sluggish feet,  
I knew I was too late—and I was glad something bloodthirsty waited in the wings.  
For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live._

-_New Moon_ (_Twilight_ Saga)

* * *

I really hated Ms. Ochi right now.

"Okay, class, have your parents sign these permission slips, otherwise, you won't be going on our little trip to Otaru, Hokkaido this weekend, and then you'll be stuck inside this class… _alone._ With nothing to do except the English packet I'll leave you." She cackled that evil, eccentric laugh of hers.

Half the class fell over in their seats.

I _really_ hated my homeroom teacher. But it wasn't because of her half-assed threats of extra work or her crazily funny ways of teaching. No, it was for forcibly dragging us across Japan to a fucking _museum_. For _three days._ I can barely stand these morons during the day. Now I have to share the same _room _with some of them?

And here's the bad part; it's _just _my homeroom. So that means no Tatsuki, the one person who would actually sympathize with me. No, I'm gonna be stuck with perky Orihime (Oh, help me, please!), a motion-sick (And possibly homicidal/suicidal) Dawn, Ichigo (I have no idea what he was like), and the rest of my dumbass class.

The only good thing is that I'll miss one of my therapy appointments.

Yay!

I huffed as the permission slips were being passed out.

_How lovely. A twelve-hour train ride with everyone who's responsible for my partially-scarred mind._

"Oh my god," Dawn laughed breathlessly, at my side in milliseconds. Orihime was stationed at my right, almost directly after the hazel-eyed girl bounced up to me.

"Are you not psyched about this trip? _I_ am! Hokkaido's _awesome_. If I don't head back out to Los Angeles after graduation, I'm _so_ living there! Or maybe Tokyo. I've always been a 'big picture' kind of girl, so yeah." And she was off, lost in her own little 'Dawn as a movie star,' or 'Dawn as a rich neurosurgeon' fantasies.

Orihime laughed.

I raised an eyebrow. "She's too much," I said over her speech. Orihime smiled gently. "No, she's just energetic. She has so much energy, she doesn't know where to put it sometimes."

I sighed, smirking up at the auburn haired girl. "Reminds me of somebody else…" We laughed.

"We leave next Friday. So get these in by Wednesday, at the latest." Six days. No problem. Everything was absolutely fine.

_Just peachy._

* * *

"Have fun," My father mumbled when he finally finished scrawling his name across the paper.

I scowled. "Thanks dad."

_Thanks a lot._

* * *

**With Ichigo;**

"Welcome back, Ichigo!" Yuzu giggled at her big brother. Ichigo couldn't help the smile on his face. "Hey, Yuzu,"

"Ichigo, heads up," Karin drawled from her spot at the table when their father jumped from his spot next to the couch, punching an unsuspecting Ichigo in the cheek. "Ah- damn dad!" He screamed, kicking his father in the stomach. Isshin 'oomphed' and fell forward, clutching his abdomen.

"G-great job son," He grunted, on the ground. Ichigo huffed, running a hand through his hair. "So," He started, amused by the sight of his delinquent father on the ground, reeling from his punches' aftermath.

"What's for dinner?"

* * *

**Saturday  
12:23 PM**

I ran into Byakuya.

Again. We were in the park. He was taking a walk. I had been having lunch with my friends.

I said a quick hello. He attempted a smile. It was… weird. I could easily tell by looking into his bright blue eyes, he hadn't completely healed. Not yet. It was still… _too soon_. But he had, somehow, made it through the list, and accepted. He'd made it out, to someplace safer. Someplace happier.

I smiled for him. I was jealous.

But after my sister, he wouldn't move on. Not now. Not ever. He could possibly date, I knew he would, nobody could just walk past him, unfazed by his good looks and chiseled features. And I would always feel a twinge of anger if I saw him with another woman, but he would never marry. Not after Hisana.

She was just that important.

And I knew, deep in my heart, that if the tables were turned, she'd do the same for him.

Because she loved Byakuya.

And neither would want the other to be alone.

But they would wait for each other. That was certain.

* * *

**Friday, January 8, 2010**

"I'm surprised, class! You all actually managed to turn in your permission slips!" Ms. Ochi yelled over the chattering crowd of students. Nobody seemed to hear.

_I'm not surprised. Who'd want to spend an entire day with the _janitor? I rolled my eyes. Sighed. Looked around. It was true. Everyone was here, aside from a couple absences. Orihime and Dawn walked up to me. "Hey," Orihime let loose a fake smile, taking her spot at my left. Dawn did the same at my right.

"Hey," I echoed, _attempting_ a smile. No surprise, I failed. Dawn gave out a small smile, and my heart stopped. Something was wrong. They wouldn't be so… quiet. Reserved, even. My mouth was dry when I asked the question that had been pounded into my skull for who knows how long.

"Is Momo…?"

"No!" My two friends shouted in unison. "She's not," Dawn said with a reassuring grin. But it wasn't really all too reassuring. "Nothing happened," Orihime clicked in, and I let loose a sigh of relief. Momo Hinamori had always been a little depressed. It worsened every time she came back.

So we asked these questions all the time.

"She's fine, as far as we know," As far as you _know_. She went back to rehab just before winter break. How _could_ you know?

"No, it's just… I don't know. This year seems so much more different. Like we're supposed to finally grow up, leave the past behind." Dawn murmured breathlessly, and I smiled to myself. Orihime sighed.

"I wish I could."

--------------

Okay, so, yeah. I'd finally been able to not hate Ms. Ochi as much. It just boiled down to the natural, teacher-student loathing. Maybe we'd be able to get back to her polite-yet-sorry stares at me, like she was still sorry about Hisana, and my 'stop-looking-at-me-like-that-I'm-fine-you-know' glares.

But now, it's back to hate.

All because of who she paired me up with on the train ride. I'd have to sit next to him, for each and _every_ trip. Whether it be by bus, plane, boat, or train, he'd be with me, for _three days_.

Ichigo Kurosaki.

I hadn't talked to him since the cemetery, save for the time I said 'sorry' when I bumped into him in my rush to leave the classroom. The first five minutes in the bus were one thing. We both tried to start a conversation time after time, and, time after time, we failed, trailing off in the awkwardness.

It wasn't until we got to the station, and got on the train that we really began a conversation. Or, somewhat of one, anyway.

"So…" Ichigo started, his voice quizzical.

I looked to Orihime and Dawn, who were, coincidentally, paired together, and even more coincidentally, sitting across the aisle from us. Orihime was busy looking out the window at the vast ocean, so she didn't see my silent cry for help.

Dawn, however, saw, and all she did was shrug. I saw the gears in her head turn for a split second, and then, the light bulb went off. 'Talk about your weekend!' was what she mouthed with a goofy grin.

I deadpanned. 'Thanks,' I mouthed back, sarcastically, 'Thanks a lot, D.'

Ichigo continued. "So… uh, some view, huh?" He motioned to the window. I raised an eyebrow, looking past him. The beautifully blue ocean glistened in the noon sunlight. I smiled gently. "Sure is. You like the ocean?"

"Sometimes," He sighed. "It depends on who I'm with."

"Yeah. Hisana and I used to always go to the beach."

He looked over at me, shocked that I would talk about her so casually. He probably thought, like everyone else, the mere mention of my sister would have me break down, near-tears and in hysterics. Hell, people thought the simple words 'disappearance' or 'dead' or 'crashing' made me cry.

Sure, sometimes I thought about her when they came up. Sometimes I wished people would shut up. But no. I'd cried myself out a while ago.

I grinned. He sputtered. "Um… yeah. I heard a lot about your sister. She was a really good person, huh?"

I smiled, having a flashback. "Yeah, she really was… ah, can we move away from this topic? It's kind of… you know, personal." He nodded. We seemed to both know it wasn't because it was personal, but because it was too morbid a subject.

"So… we've known each other for a while, but we've never really got to talking. Uh, so… what's your favorite color?"

_What's my favorite color_? I mentally repeated, an eyebrow raised. He must've really had nothing to say. So, I laughed quietly and replied, "Purple. A really dark purple." He blinked. "Oh, okay."

I rolled my eyes. Asked him something. "My turn. Um… what's your family like?" A pretty straight-forward question.

"Psh." He scoffed. "Crazy dad, emotionless sister, and another sister who can cook." I laughed softly. He didn't need to tell me about his mother. I remembered everything from that first night.

"And yours?"

"Meh." I shrugged. "My dad's on happy pills. I think you know the rest." My voice was soft, almost regretful.

He nodded to himself. "I'm sorry," He whispered.

I bit my lip, nodding to myself.

* * *

The only good thing I can think about this trip is that I got Orihime as one of my roommates.

Our pessimistic friend Dawn, however, was sharing a room with a cheerleader named Sakura, who just so happened to be our Queen Bee in middle school and a pep rally girl named Kikyo. I couldn't wait to see how that turned out.

Orihime and I shared a room with one of Orihime's old friends, her name was Desiree. She came from England to Japan when she was about four, so she barely had an English accent.

"Hime!" She squealed. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe we got the same room!" She looked over to me, her grin not once faltering. Her eyes shone with happiness. "You must be Rukia Kuchiki. My name's Desiree, Desiree Sinclair."

"Nice to meet you… Desiree." Her name was pretty, I had to admit. All American names or something along the lines of American names sounded nice to me.

I learned, very quickly, that Desiree's father lived in London and she lived with her little brother Landon and her mother Renee. She was, like Orihime, a rich girl who lived up on Arashi Street. She was outspoken and nice, and _loved to talk_.

If she weren't so kind, I might have just hit her.

I also didn't have to worry about privacy. I could tell, right off the bat, that she wasn't the kind of girl who would get into other's personal space. So maybe I could read Hisana's diary in peace. I didn't have to worry about Orihime.

She, like Dawn and Tatsuki, knew enough already. If necessary, she'd keep Desiree out of the way. They're avid shoppers, we're right by a Hokkaido shopping district… I think you get the picture.

So that's where I find myself now. In our hotel room, all alone. Orihime had dragged Desiree to the countless clothing stores across the town, looking for something that would 'make her eyes pop!'.

And we all knew how finicky of a shopper Orihime Inoue was.

So, here I was. Reading.

_I was able to go to Asuna's party. Awesome, huh?  
Asuna and Khota were stoned before the first hour, and were making out in the corner before everyone else got the hint and started to empty her vodka bottles and break out the cocaine._

_Sometimes I wonder why I chose her, Asuna Otsuki, as my best friend. It's… weird, to say the least. We're total opposites. Maybe that's why we're such good friends.  
I didn't want to, as, always, drink myself to an early grave. I was spending the entire day with my father and Rukia tomorrow. And even though my little sis wouldn't mind, dad _certainly _would. He could smell a hangover a mile away._

_So I just sat in the corner, sipping some beer. I didn't even drink all of it. I threw the half-empty bottle away when everyone was busy with somebody else. I made my way to Asuna's den (Her parents were out of town) and saw someone who made my heart stop beating (Well, almost. I needed something cliché in this thing.)._

_Byakuya Kuchiki._

_I made my way to the couch. The TV was off. He was just sitting there. I smiled gently. "Hi, stranger." I had said. He had smiled back at me, his eyes dancing. "Hey yourself." He patted the spot next to him, his eyes questioning. "Why thank you," I grinned, sitting._

_For a while, we just sat, saying nothing._

_My stomach felt funny, like butterflies, but more intense. I wonder… is that what love feels like?_

We both knew she was too young to think that so suddenly. But she had some sort of sixth sense about these things; she must've, how could they have fallen into a relationship so quickly?

I jerked my head up when I heard a knock at the door. Don't tell me they forgot their room keys. Oh, well. They seemed scatterbrained enough. I sighed, getting up and making for the door.

"Did someone forget their room key… Ichigo?" I blinked at the orange-head, standing at my hotel room door. "Come here," He said, the slightest _hint_ of a smile on his face. My breath caught in my throat. "Hey, stranger," I copied my sister's words in the playfully happy way she would've said them.

"Hey, yourself. Now come on," Was _he _reading Hisa's diary, too? He grabbed my wrist lightly, leading me away from the room. I grinned. "Where are we going?" I asked him, pausing to lock the door and put the key in my pocket.

He just smiled, leading me to a flight of stairs by my hand. I felt a pang of worry in my stomach. I barely knew Kurosaki, and he was leading me away from my friends, from teachers, hotel staff, my safe hotel room, and quite possibly a witness.

But that worry dissipated as soon as it came when we stepped into sunlight… pure, happy sunlight. I gaped at the scene in front of me. The ocean. The wonderfully beautiful, vast, ocean. "Oh my gosh," I grinned, "Ichigo, how'd you…"

He shrugged. "Just kind of… I don't know, stumbled."

"Stumbled," I asked, incredulous. "You don't just _stumble_ onto something so totally _beautiful_!" I laughed, looking at the view. "It's gorgeous." It felt like the first time I'd been free since the week before the crash, when Hisana took me out for some 'sisterly bonding'.

I swallowed down my oncoming sob.

"Thought you'd like it," He sighed, standing next to me. I looked over at him, and his gaze drifted towards me. Our eyes locked. I felt a blush creeping up on me, but didn't realize until a full minute had passed. I looked down.

"Hold…" I thought he started to say, but he quickly silenced himself. All the while, one line from my sister's diary rang through my head.

_My stomach felt funny, like butterflies, but more intense. I wonder… is that what love feels like?_

Maybe, sis. Just maybe…

I was oblivious to the fact that he never let go of my hand.

* * *

**I promised you more IchiRuki!! How's it? Please review and tell me if you liked it or not!**

**-TMU**


	5. When I Look At You

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary:  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU**

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and ****Saving Zoë ****by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

* * *

**Chapter Four:  
When I Look At You**

"_Without suffering there would be no compassion."  
"Yeah, well tell that to those who suffer."_

_-A Walk to Remember (Jamie and Landon)_

-------

"Are you okay?"

I looked up, blinking sleepily at Orihime. It was nearly six o' clock.

In the morning.

I had barely gotten any sleep, going to bed at midnight, waking up somewhere around four. Orihime was just an early riser. "'Course, why would you ask that?" She shrugged. "I don't know, ever since you… you know, you've been spending more and more time with Kurosaki… you just seem happier all of a sudden." Her voice was quiet, almost sad.

It was then my heart broke, but not for me, but for my best friend since kindergarten. She liked –maybe loved- Ichigo Kurosaki. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Nothing's going on," I said quickly, trying hopelessly to ignore the fluttering butterflies in my stomach. My heart pounded at his name.

My god, barely a day and a half and I'm already acting like a love-struck school girl? What's wrong with me?

"He's just… we're only friends, he just wanted to get to know me a little better. You know how quiet I've been around people outside our group since Hisana's death." I never liked talking about it, and I knew eventually I'd have to stop. But I needed her to know just what happened, and if it meant opening old scars, so be it.

Orihime winced. "Oh, okay. Sorry I brought it up… I just… you know," She laughed lightly. Desiree stirred. I giggled. "Whoa, she's still asleep? Very heavy sleeper," Orihime whistled softly, poking our roommate's shoulder. I giggled harder.

"Leave her alone, I'm gonna take a shower," I shook my head, grabbing a towel from a nearby dresser.

"Okay," Was all Orihime said, and I couldn't help but wonder if she really _was_ okay.

* * *

"Oh my gosh!" Dawn squeaked, running up to Ichigo. "Ku-ro-sa-ki," She broke his name up into syllables, "Help me, I'm begging you. And you _know_ I never beg!" She huffed, "Just take me to Rukia and Orihime's room without my roommate's spotting us."

"Why?" He finally managed to ask when she started subtly pulling on his sleeve. "Well, Sakura's being a _total_ bitch. And, do you know how many shop's she's visited? I'd count about a hundred. And she's making _me_ be her dress up toy, saying that I'm her size and her height, just not prettier."

She snorted. "I hate that she-demon. And you know what else? I never want to step foot in another Hokkaido clothing store again."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Well, what's wrong with Kikyo?"

"What _isn't_ wrong with Kikyo? Peppiness is one thing… I can tell, because you know I respect it. Psychopath is totally different. And let me tell you, that girl is _loopy_. Nobody's _that happy_ all _the time_. It's just not normal!"

Ichigo smirked. "Sorry, but I can't help you this time."

Dawn gaped. "You never turn me or Tatsuki down. Ever. Unless you know, something important is going on. But now… I think you're just blowing me off for the sake of blowing me off. Ichigo, if you don't help me… then… god, I don't know, but my sanity is at _jeopardy_ here!" She whined, stomping her foot childishly.

"Escape them like you escaped English last semester."

"That won't work. Akio's not waiting outside the hotel in his Escalade; I'm not splashing water on my face to look clammy, pretending to be sick, and Mrs. Ochi and Mr. Ukitake aren't total pushovers like Mr. Kyoraku was," She sighed.

Ichigo shrugged. "Have fun shopping," He said, blatantly ignoring her scoffs and cries for help when Sakura made her way down the hall.

"ICHIGO!"

* * *

"Aren't you comin' Desiree?" Orihime asked gently, looking at her yawning roommate. She shook her head, sighing. "Nah, maybe not. I'll just play hooky. Tell Ochi I'm sick, would ya?" She laughed. "I'm serious. See you two later," She sunk back into bed.

"Bye," Orihime and I echoed in unison. I couldn't help but ask, as soon as we were out the door, "Orihime, do you like Ichigo?" She blushed madly. "Um… why would you ask that? L-let's get a move on, okay? I wanna get some breakfast before we leave. Let's see… I'll have toast and red bean paste, and…"

"…And you're avoiding the question," I teased, grinning, even though my mind was spinning. Why did it seem to bother me so much if she_ did_ like him? I shouldn't care; she probably knew more about Kurosaki than I did, anyway!

"Yeah, I do, but it's okay." She laughed nervously. "If you want him, you can have him." She tried to sound nonchalant. I sighed. She was hopeless. "You deserve him more," I said, yawning.

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Are we really having this argument?"

"Yes, yes we are."

We broke out in laughter. I sighed tiredly. "No, but seriously, you like him, Orihime. You deserve him, and let's face it, I'm a little too distracted to deal with a guy right now." She groaned, "Why do you _do that_?" I blinked. "Do what?"

"_That!_ You _know,_ the guilt thing. When you tell me or somebody else to go for something because you're _too distracted_. You're horrible! You guilt people into chasing their dreams!" I shook my head with a smile. "I never knew that was a bad thing," I grinned.

"It is! Omigod, are you serious? Please tell me you're not. You're such a martyr, you know that? You make people do the things they yearn to do because you… you're, you know." She looked at me with questioning eyes, wondering if she could say _it_ out loud.

I rolled my eyes. "One, I am _so_ not a martyr. Two, you don't have to talk about it like I'm gonna break down if you do. And _three_, I thought you _wanted_ to date him, so don't you complain." I scolded her like I always did, in that sister-sister fashion. She smiled. "Okay, thanks for your permission, _mom_."

"I'm your older sis, if anything, 'kay? I don't plan on having kids 'till I get hitched. And I don't plan on tying the knot 'till I'm well over _thirty_."

"Why? I'm getting married straight out of college!" I snorted. "Then your marriage has a fifty-fifty percent chance of going under. No, I'm playing out that ol' Cyndi Lauper song; _Girls just wanna have Fun,_ and finding the right guy. But if I'm still forty and single, well… then, screw fate!"

We laughed as we got to the meeting spot. Ms. Ochi and Mr. Ukitake did a head count.

"Where's Desiree?" Ms. Ochi asked, looking us over again.

I rolled my eyes. "Sick," Orihime and I echoed in unison. Ochi snorted. "Yeah, okay, I'll believe it when pigs fly." Ukitake smiled nervously. "Yes… ah, okay, students, find your traveling buddy." I rolled my eyes again. What were we, five year olds?

Ichigo sauntered up to me. I smiled, although in nothing less than a friendly manner, knowing Orihime was watching us.

_Why?! _My mind seethed. _It's not like you _like_ him, and even if you did, why would you care about what Inoue says? So, she likes him. Big deal. She'll move on. You got first dibs, girl!_ I blinked, considering this, but quickly shook it away. No. She's been crushing on Kurosaki forever, and I'd be damned if I took it away.

"Hey," he said, offering a so-so smile. "Hi," I said back, mimicking his expression. "What's the matter? You look like shit, to put it simply." I said, not being able to come up with anything clever. He shrugged. "So do you," he argued halfheartedly. "I just… I don't know. You ever have one of those days? When you wake up, and everything else just becomes… bleh."

I smiled softly. "Practically every day."

"Yeah?" he said, trying to sound sympathetic. "Um…" I started in a whisper, "Do ya know where we're goin'?" I felt really stupid asking, since I knew exactly where we were going, and he probably knew this was one desperate attempt of trying to make conversation.

He shrugged, "I think it's just a tour around town. The museum's tomorrow." I nodded, "Oh, mm'kay. Thanks," I said stupidly.

An awkward silence followed. "So…"

"So…"

I stopped, smiling nervously. Whoa, totally awkward… somebody shoot me already.

"Hey! Kurosaki, Kuchiki!"

I breathed a sigh of relief. _Thank god…_ "Hi, Dawn." I said, attempting to sound friendly. It actually came out as kind of a growl. Even though I was hoping somebody would stop this horrid conversation, I was a bit peeved at Dawn for interrupting.

Wow. Bipolar, much?

"What're you doing here?" Ichigo sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Dawn grinned, tilting back and forth on the tips of her toes, her hands clasped behind her back. Something about that smile made me want to run and hide.

Weird.

"Nothin'. Sakura's a bitch, Kikyo's crazy, and Orihime's acting funny." My throat was dry. "Kind of… I don't know, jealous, maybe. You know that look you get, Rukia, when Ich…"

"Ah-ah-ah!" I yelped, slapping my hand over her blabber-mouth. She flinched at the impact, and tried to lick my hand. I cringed inwardly, _ewwing_ to myself, but held strong. "Oh, Dawn… you're _so funny_! Ah ha ha ha!" I laughed nervously, in an obviously fake way, as the hazel-eyed brunette struggled fruitlessly to be free.

"Now," I murmured through grit teeth, "you're gonna shut up, mm'kay?" I forced my voice to sound as sweet and sugary and _evil_ as possible. Her eyes widened a fraction, and she nodded frantically, wordlessly.

My grip softened lightly, and she wiggled free, reminding me of one of those fuzzy black caterpillars trying fruitlessly to get away from a starving bird. "Um…" She said, obviously wanting to get away quickly. She searched hurriedly for an excuse. "I think I've got to go, see ya Rukia, Ichigo," she tossed us a knowing look, sprinting off to Orihime before she could do anything weird.

I huffed, smiling somewhat happily. I really did feel bad, I mean, it's not like she meant any harm to come of it. Dawn was just so… _giddy_, that she couldn't keep her mouth shut half the time. That was probably her biggest downfall.

"What'd she mean when she said you get jealous…?"

"Nothing!" I spoke almost too quickly, "She's just really… she's been really weird since she bought her new contacts," I lied. Her eyesight was fine, and she thought hazel was pretty.

"I didn't know she wore them," He said with a small smile. He could so tell I was lying.

"She doesn't. She… um, did. Doesn't anymore, though. She wanted to know how it felt to have blue eyes, and said the contacts bothered her. Heh… doesn't wear 'em much anymore." I said, and even I couldn't believe it. Too rushed… to unnaturally flowing.

My heart pounded.

_Wait! Stop right there, sister. _Some rational part of me exclaimed furiously, one that sounded strangely familiar, maybe. _Don't go off falling for some guy you barely know!_

_You know him,_ the side that had been pining after Ichigo since day one argued, _don't listen! You know him, Rukia. And you like him. Why shouldn't you take a chance? Be free for once… live in the moment, don't go pretending like nothing's worth it anymore._

Such bitter, truthful words.

"Uh, ah…" He started again, when Ms. Ochi whistled. "Okay you maggots, let's get a move on!" I laughed to myself. "Do you know if she really even _likes _kids?" Ichigo shrugged, "My guess is she's only here 'till she's accepted by American Idol. You know she wants to move to L.A?"

"Yeah. I think it's totally weird. Guess she's stuck with us forever." I laughed dryly, as he grabbed my wrist, leading me to the bus.

---

"Orihime? Hime, yoo hoo! O-ri-hi-me! Inoue! Snap to it! Come on!" Dawn clapped her hands in front of her friend's face, then proceeded to yank her hair. "Ouchy!" She yelled, pulling back, "What'cha do that for, D?"

"You weren't paying attention, you space cadet! Are you feeling alright?"

"Just peachy," She said in a far away tone, looking dejectedly as Rukia and Ichigo walked to the bus, hand in hand—or rather, wrist in hand. Her throat felt dry, and she coughed lightly, trying halfheartedly to distract herself.

"I'm fine."

------------

**Ichigo:**

I looked over at Rukia, sweat beading on the back of my neck. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and mentally smacked myself. I've never had a crush on a girl… _ever_, since I was nine and I met Tatsuki. But I think that may have only been the inner workings of my young mind, and the mysteries that surrounded girls.

My second crush or 'near-love interest' as she called it, was Dawn. But she was too… I don't really know. Not my type? She was pretty… well, beautiful. But we were better off as friends. We were only in seventh grade anyway. We had broken it off after a week though. The tension and awkwardness became too much. And I have to admit, it was like dating my sister.

My third was a girl from eighth grade, who moved to Kyoto not long after Freshman year at Kakura High school. Her name was Senna Mikuru. Kind of weird, but really, seriously gorgeous, and I think it was all just physical, anyway. I broke up with her about a week before she moved. …I don't think I'd ever seen anyone cry that much in one week.

Poor Senna.

Orihime's just a friend. A very pretty, very _strange_ friend, but a friend nonetheless. But I honestly don't think she could be anything more.

I don't know Momo all that well, either.

And then, there's all the other girls in Japan. But seriously, no matter how hard I looked, I don't think I could ever find somebody who understands me more than Rukia Kuchiki.

Once again, I smacked myself mentally. _What the hell?! I've known her since kindergarten, but she's… she's too… she's still… I don't know, but whatever she is, I shouldn't be falling for her! I shouldn't feel like that… I shouldn't… _I stopped as she started talking.

"It's gonna rain soon…" She said in a far-away voice, and I looked over her head, peering at the menacing storm clouds. My brows knitted together in annoyance. I hate rain. "So it is," I whispered, my eyes narrowing as I heard storm clouds in the distance.

She sighed, closing her eyes and leaning back. "I hate rain."

"Me, too."

She looked over at me, a smirk playing on her lips. "Really? Most people find it comforting."

"I'm not _most people_." I said offhandedly, leaning back, too. A flicker of something-- familiarity, perhaps?-- flickered behind her amethyst irises, and she blinked. Then laughed a soft, whimsical laugh.

"Neither am I," She told me, grinning happily. "Have you ever heard the song, _You Raise Me Up_, by Lena Park?" I nodded slowly, "Ah… sure. But the one I heard was by Secret Garden, not Park." She shrugged, smiling. "Whatever. Same song," She sighed again.

A minute passed.

Two minutes.

"Why?" I finally asked, stupidly.

"Hm?" She asked calmly, relaxed.

"Why'd you ask?"

She blinked, her eyes filled with wonder, and for a second, it seemed like she glimpsed eternity… or something equally naïve and cliché. "Haven't you ever just… I don't know, _wondered_?" She asked like I would be crazy if I said no, or really stupid if I said yes.

So I said nothing.

She smiled again. "S'okay," She said, sitting up straight. "Nobody ever does, not anymore. No one ever takes enough time to stop…" She paused, "Breathe, drink it in, and avoid all the bull life throws at you." She smiled, one more time, almost nostalgically.

"…Sorry. I'm being _really _weird. I guess it's just… I don't know. It happens… it's been happening a lot since… you know."

_I do_.

"It's okay. I understand." She nodded to herself, a single, solitary tear making its way down her cheek. Before I knew it, I was reaching out…

And the tear was gone.

------------

**Rukia:**

_(Four years ago; Rukia as 13, Hisana is 22.)_

"Hisa!" I whined, and I winced. Damn, I could barely stand _myself_. How could Hisana put on such a happy face around me? My big sister sighed, jogging up. "Yeah, Ru?" I shifted from foot to foot. I was thirteen years old. I should've known my short time with sissy would come to an end all too soon.

But yet, I asked her, too innocently, "Do you have to go, sis?" She smiled sweetly. "Yeah, sorry. Spring break's over. But look at the bright side… you've got a week more of break! A week more of freedom…" She looked at me, sorrow written in her blue-gray depths.

"I'll see you at Thanksgiving, okay? Bye," She said, making her way to her black 2005 Honda. I sighed heavily, wishing she could stay, just a little longer.

I couldn't wait 'till I could finally fly away from this hellhole, too.

-------------

**Rukia:**

Ms. Ochi and Mr. Ukitake are letting us run free, so long as we stick close to our partners. So now, I'm sitting in a place with Ichigo called Café Kokoro, sipping my own green tea. It was actually pretty nice, I've got to admit. Nice interior, it had a somewhat homey feel. Tea's good, as far as I can tell.

"Nice place," I commented, focusing my attention outside the window, although I could seriously feel his stare on me. "Yeah," He said, and I looked at my purple-polished nails. "I really wish they had places like _this_ back in Kakura…" I said, not actually paying attention.

"There is, it's called the Sakura Café. I used to take my sister's there all the time."

"Oh," I said, almost stupidly. "I'll check it out… maybe next week or something."

"Maybe."

Our eyes lock.

He stares at me.

I stare at him.

We stare.

----------

**Pretty boring filler chap, ne? But more IchiRuki, comin' your way!**

**Lolz, plz review!!**

**-TMU-know-who!!!**


	6. Once Upon My Broken Soul

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary:  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU**

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and****Saving Zoë****by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

**(A LOT OF DIALOGUE THIS CHAPTER IS FROM THE BOOK, **_**MY SISTER'S KEEPER **_**and by its author, ****Jodi Picoult****. I DON'T OWN THAT, EITHER!!)**

* * *

**Chapter five:  
Once Upon my Broken Soul**

_If you have a sister and she dies,  
do you stop saying you have one?  
Or are you always a sister, even  
though the other half of the equation is gone?_

My Sister's Keeper

* * *

**Rukia: **It took me a while to realize I was still asleep, still dreaming.

It was actually sort of a silent relief, seeing as I almost never have dreams anymore. They're usually all nightmares. I kind of didn't want to leave, but knew I had to, eventually. I couldn't really tell where I was, or why I was here. All I could remember was that this was there, and it was good. A special, one-of-a-kind memory.

And I wasn't about to let it go.

_(Dream; Rukia is 7, Ichigo is 7, and Hisana is 16)_

I may not know what I want. Or who I am, for that matter. Not yet, not really. All I know is that I really do deserve to find out. Why should I be deprived of that privilege?

"Rukia!"

_You don't love someone because they're perfect. You love them… you'll always love them in spite of the fact they're not._

"Yeah?! Hisana, Hisana, I'm here!" Sissy's voice was faint. Really, really faint. Like a fly's buzz when it flies away from you, and you get sad because you're all alone again with nobody around but grown-ups. I look around, seeing neither Sissy, Papa, or Mia. Mia was my babysitter, but I didn't really expect to see her.

It was sunset, and I heard a voice that kind of reminded me of mama. Or what I could remember, anyway. "Oh, little one," I looked over my shoulder, smiling a little bit at a nice-looking brown-haired lady. "Hello." I said politely.

She knelt down next to me, looking at me. "Hey, sweetheart, where are your parents?" I never liked being called 'sweetie' or anything like that. "I don't know. Papa left me with Sissy at the park and I saw a butterfly, you know? It was really pretty so I started looking for it and I can't find Sissy now."

"Okay, do you need any help?"

I nodded, and she took my hand. "Honey!" The nice lady called, and I saw a boy around my age run up. I blinked. "My son," She told me, patting the guys' head. "We're going to help her look for her sister, alright?" He nodded, and he smiled at me.

I nodded, too. My smile was small.

_Love's like the wind. It's something in your gut that you just know about. You can't see it. You can't hear it. You can't even touch it. But oh, you can sure feel it._

"Sissy! Haha, sis!" I giggled when Hisana bear-hugged me. "Thank you so much," She thanked the nice woman from before. "Um… your name?" The brown-haired lady laughed. "My name's Masaki."

"Oh, okay. Thank you, so much, again. I'm Hisana."

_When you're really young, you don't care about anything other than your family, and toys. When you're sort of a kid, but a real teenager, you think every date is love. But something's always there to tell you to fall, or not. And sometimes you listen, sometimes you don't. And then you end up evading or jumping. When you're an almost adult, you know love exists. You just haven't found it yet._

Mrs. Masaki seemed to remember something, and gestured towards the boy.

"And this is my son, Ichigo."

* * *

I blinked myself awake. Ichigo was looking at me, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. "Hey," He said, "You're finally back from dreamland. You okay?"

"Yeah," I answered immediately. We were back in the bus. The day was nearly over. "Sorry, that was rude." He blinked. "What was?" I giggled a little, "Me, you know, falling asleep on you? I'd be pretty angry if someone did that to me."

"I would, too. But I'm not."

I didn't really understand his reasoning, but I'm sure he didn't understand a hell of a lot of things about me, either. "Oh, crap." He looked at me, an eyebrow raised. "What's the matter?" I looked at him, my eyes tired. "It's raining," I said simply. "I hate rain."

"You've got to be shitting me." He groaned, looking outside. "Ah, man… looks like it's really coming down!" I nodded solemnly, my happy mood almost completely gone. Gray days usually did that to me. Sucked, too, seeing as I used to love rain as a kid.

"Hopefully it'll blow over by tomorrow," Not really. I would've endured this horrible weather if it meant skipping a museum trip. "Hopefully," I agreed halfheartedly.

We didn't talk for the rest of the bus ride.

-------

The next day was uneventful.

So when we finally got back on Monday, I didn't really feel like I spent the last three days with Orihime, Dawn, Desiree, and Ichigo, Ichigo, _Ichigo_.

Okay, so maybe Ichigo.

"Hi, dad." I said, not exactly caring if he said hi or not.

"Hey, honey." I blinked twice, and looked at him. He was smiling a small smile at me. "Are you drunk?" I asked. He had been pretty… I don't know, emotionless because of the anti-depressants. He nodded. "Why would you say that, Rukia?"

"N-no reason." I shrugged mentally. He must've stopped or something. Well, that's one step back into normality.

Too bad 'normal' never existed.

----------------

**Entry 19**

_I don't know how, but somewhere between all the laughs, jokes, walks, phone-calls, parties, and me sneaking out through Rukia's bedroom window, I fell in love with Byakuya.  
Seriously! I didn't even think it was possible. For me- by the way. I've just never pictured myself with ANYONE before. And truthfully, I don't think he had, either._

_So, yeah… Rukia's a smart girl. She's only nine, and just the other day she asked… Okay, who is he? like she knew everything about my personal life. Or maybe she's just not as heavy a sleeper as I always assumed. Huh. I don't know._

_So… Yoruichi, Soi Fon, (I don't think I'd ever talked about them. Weird) and Asuna grilled me about the 'new guy' the other day. I'm starting to wonder if Rukia tipped them off or something. The little… oh, I can't even badmouth her. She's just too innocent. If she tries it again in about three years, though, I can kill her._

_So, they asked me, and when I told them about Byakuya, Soi was all, 'seriously?!' and Asuna was all, 'no way! He's too hot!' and Yoru was all, 'oh my gosh. I would've thought you'd go for someone a little older.' And because of that, I told her, 'I'm not like you.' 'Cause it's true. I'm not a cougar or anything, but I don't like older men, either._

_They've got to be my age._

_Like Byakuya._

_-Hisana  
__**December 9, 2001**_

* * *

_Dear Diary…_

_Don't think it's some big step, just because I put 'dear' and 'diary' in the same sentence. I think I'm actually… you know, healing, or whatever. I'm not so morbid anymore. Well, that's what Orihime says. And Dawn thinks I'm doing better at not blaming myself for everything. And Tatsuki thinks I'm doing better at reconsidering my feelings._

_Bullshit._

_I don't really feel like writing anymore… if at all. So I'm just gonna keep the entries short._

_Au revoir. Rukia._

* * *

**December 31, 2009  
10:52PM**

"How was your Christmas?" Orihime asked me that night. Every senior at Kakura High was at that New Year's party, I being one of them for once. I shrugged nonchalantly. "S'okay. Got the house to myself for a little bit."

"Did your dad go out to a 'work thing' again?" Tatsuki asked at my right. I nodded. "Mmhm."

"That sucks," Dawn sympathized, sipping something. "Are you _drinking_?" Tatsuki asked incredulously. Dawn nodded solemnly. "Rangiku made me," She defended, "It's only a teensy weensy bit of vodka; don't go all medieval on me!"

I laughed, Rangiku Matsumoto was supposed to have graduated a year ago, she got held back for apparently failing English. Hey, she isn't the only one.

"Rangiku's crazy," Orihime said bluntly, "but in a good way, you know? She's… um, what's the word?"

"Befuddled?"

"Flummoxed?"

"Mentally depressed?"

"N-no! Um… she's… maybe… oh! Right, she's _eccentric_. Yeah, that's the word." Dawn scoffed, "Whatever she is, she sure loves this stuff. I'm kind of disappointed. You'd think she'd go for something a little bit… like, meh, I don't know. Saké."

"No, that's me," I said with a soft laugh.

"It is," Orihime agreed. Dawn sighed happily. "I got to go, kay? Happy new year!" She grinned, tossing some confetti in the air from one of the nearby tables. She sauntered off, humming the tune of _Jingle Bell Rock_ under her breath.

I just stared straight ahead, dreading the New Year silently.

---------------

**Entry 29**

_You know that little voice in your head telling you to buy shoes _long_ before you even _consider_ going to the mall? Your conscience? Yeah, that. _

_I've noticed a pattern in my high school, and I think it's weird. Like, half the people believe it does exist, and you should listen to it. The other half thinks it's a load of crap, Yoruichi and Soi Fon included. People like Asuna and me, though; we don't know what to think, exactly. There's a chance it could exist, and there's a chance we're goin' crazy._

_I really hope that's not the case._

_-Hisana  
_**December 29, 2001**

**----------------**

**December 31, 2009  
11:40 PM**

I don't really know how I managed to wander away from my friends, and wind up hiding from Kurosaki in the bathroom. Of course, I'd have to emerge sometime, people would wonder. I didn't even know why I was hiding, anyway. He was just another person.

_Sure_. My conscience spoke sarcastically, and I pushed the annoying voice away.

_C'mon,_ the other voice in my head, which I liked much better encouraged, _you're _Rukia Kuchiki_. The hot-blooded, hot-tempered, doesn't take-this-type-of-shit girl! You're gonna let some idiot strawberry intimidate you?_ "No," I answered out loud, and walked swiftly to the girls' room exit, my hand lingering on the door handle for a mere second before I yanked it open, and strode outside.

"Hey," Ichigo drawled lazily, spotting me from his position at the refreshment table.

"How's it going?"

-------------------

**Ichigo: **_She hates me,_ was one of my first thoughts when our eyes locked the first time and she practically ran to the restroom. I don't know why; what did I do wrong, exactly? Girls are really weird. Or maybe it's just the ones I've come in contact with. I don't know.

Dawn said it was because Rukia liked me, which is just even more confusing. If she liked me, why would she run? My mind's spinning. That vodka that's making Keigo and Mizuiro spin around like monkeys doesn't sound half bad, right now. But I digress.

"Hey," I said again, "Are you okay?" I was actually concerned by her frozen, gaping like a fish look, and would've rather liked her to turn on her heel and walk right back into the women's restrooms. I offered a small smile, and she broke a nervous grin.

"Hey." She responded tersely. "Um… so… how's life?"

"Okay, I guess." Wow, awkward. She looked over my shoulder, grimacing. "Damn. I've always wondered what she'd look like drunk," I looked in the same direction, and sighed. Tatsuki danced around in circles, two bottles of unopened beer in her hands, whooping while Dawn and Orihime struggled to stop her.

"Me, too."

-------

**Rukia: **Really, really, totally strange. On the trip he was kind of aloof, but still pretty sweet. Before that, he was a little mean and coldhearted. And now, he's… he's… _normal_, dare I say it. He's making conversation normally, a semi-scowl on his face.

_Personality disorder?_ I wondered, and quickly shook the thought away.

"What time is it?" I asked suddenly, and he blinked. "Uh," He looked at the clock, but before he could open his mouth to answer, the countdown began.

"9!"

"8!"

By the time the shout of "7!" rang, we were on the balcony, where Orihime, Dawn, Tatsuki and I were just an hour before. I don't know why we were here. Or why we were alone. But I couldn't really stop myself from liking it.

"6!"

"5"

_I like you! I really, really, do!_ My mind and heart begged me to scream, but I couldn't. Too fast. It… everything, was all too fast. Too heart-wrenchingly, beautifully, fast. _That's what Hisana thought,_ I reminded myself, _and she got to live the fairytale, if only for a little while._

My eyes clouded over with my daydreams.

"3!"

"2!"

"_Would you stop saying Hisana existed?"_

"1!"

"_Of course not. We're sisters. Two halves of a whole, and just because one's gone, doesn't mean the other never existed."_

"0!"

"Happy new year!"

Ichigo actually grinned, staring intently at the fireworks, the sparks of flowers that seemingly 'bloomed' in the sky coming in an array of blues, purples, oranges, pinks, reds, and white.

I smiled, too.

-----------

**Orihime: **It was in that moment, that split second, as I blocked out my close friends and companions, I closed off the happy shouts and laughs of my classmates, and just locked on Ichigo and Rukia, standing there, not talking, seemingly unfazed by the rest of us.

Jealousy poured into my heart, and I nearly choked on the pain. I could feel my Chem. 2 lab partner, Ayumi, put a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Are you okay?"

_No, _my mind seethed, _how can you not see them? How could _he_ not see how I loved him?_ "I'm perfectly fine, Ayumi. Come on," I was suddenly torn between staying and breaking my own heart, or leaving and forgetting all about it. Or maybe I wanted to stay because there was some glimmer of hope that told me they were only friends, and that's all they'd ever be.

I only knew that was a lie.

----------

**Dawn: **Too bad Tatsuki's too drunk to notice, but Ich and Ru are really hitting it off! I'm really happy for them, and it took Rukia long enough. I swear, I was leaping with joy when Ochi said that she and Kurosaki would be partners!

Orihime, though… I might be kind of slow, sure, but it's plain as day to see that she likes Ichigo. And I love 'Hime like a sister, don't get me wrong, but I've known Kurosaki long enough to see there's no romantic chemistry between them whatsoever.

She's all happy and likes to talk about her feelings, while Ichi's kinda aloof, you know? Plus, he can be a real jackass sometimes. He needs someone like Rukia to straighten him and his sappy moods out every once in a while. I've heard opposites attract, just not _total _opposites, like those two.

They've got to be balanced, right? Like Ichi and Ruki. Day and night, moon and sun, black and white, salt and pepper, Rocky and Bullwinkle. Orihime and Ichigo are like… the sun and the stars, they both shine, they're both practically the same, but so different, too. And not in a romantic sort of way.

"I wish I had someone to drool after…" I mused, staring at my friends, the two who I _would_ get together before his birthday. Hell, maybe _her_ birthday, if I play my cards right!

That's _my_ new year's resolution.

-------------

**Rukia:** No matter how much you try to forget the bitter memory of someone who has left this world, you can't help but remember that you're still in it. You're breathing, you're alive, and they're not. You feel strangely guilty, and you don't know why.

I wish I could talk to Hisana now, so I can know what it's like to be in like with someone. I'm not her… I can't call me and Ichigo's sudden 'almost-friendship' love. Not yet. If anything, it's one-sided. Or I could just be momentarily crazy. Maybe.

How would you describe not being able to look into the mirror without picturing him _right_ next to you? Hoping, wishing, that he'd call and ask you out? God, now I'm becoming a crushing schoolgirl! Just great.

But that's not the point.

I'm walking, thinking, on my way to Orihime's for a 'girl's night'. God knows I haven't been to one since I was eleven. Tatsuki was, presumably, already there. Dawn walked, surprisingly silent, next to me.

She had this weird look on her face… something I couldn't even comprehend. All I knew is that it was probably something that was embarrassing or humiliating or something like that.

I shuddered, recalling a certain game of spin the bottle involving a friend from middle school, and her ex boyfriend Takeshi.

It hadn't been pretty.

When we got to Orihime's, I couldn't help but notice the half-glare, half-hello look she gave me. Her smile remained the same warm, happy grin, though, so I thought nothing of it. "Hey guys!" Tatsuki appeared from Orihime's bedroom. "You're late, you dorks," She laughed, waving.

"I know I'm a dork, Arisawa. And I'm proud of it, you know." Dawn grinned playfully.

I smiled. "Don't count me in. I can't afford to be a dork until after college. Then I can slack off and play dumb," Dawn and I followed Orihime and Tatsuki to Orihime's bedroom. "Where's your brother?" Dawn asked, and I could tell she dreaded the answer. She never did like Sora.

"On a date with Midori," Orihime answered, absentmindedly picking at her pastel pink bed sheets. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Who's Midori?" I asked. Tatsuki chuckled, "Oh yeah, you haven't met her, have you? Midori's Sora's new girlfriend."

"Oh." I said stupidly.

I saw Dawn, out of the corner of my eye, bite her lower lip and jerk her head towards the living room. She was looking at Tatsuki. I could feel something in the back of my mind telling me to say something, ask something, but I decided against it.

I saw Tatsuki give a curt, nearly unnoticeable nod, and she walked towards Orihime's living room. The Inoue was still fingering her bedspread, humming a soft tune, blissfully unaware of Tatsuki and Dawn's little meeting.

_What's that about?_

* * *

**Dawn: **I don't really know why I'm asking Tatsuki's permission to play matchmaker for Ichi and Ruki. Maybe it's because she's one of Ichigo's best friends. Or maybe because she's like Orihime's own personal bodyguard. I don't know.

"What do ya want?" She asked impatiently.

_Same old Tatsuki,_ I huffed. "I… I wanted to see if it was okay…" I really didn't know how to phrase it. She raised an eyebrow, running a hand through her dark, spiky locks. "Okay for what, D?" I shrugged, "I wanted to see if it was okay if I played matchmaker for Rukia."

"Of course!" She said immediately, smiling. "Why'd you even need to ask me? God knows she needs a guy. So who's the lucky man?"

"That's what I wanted to ask. The guy… the guy's Ichigo."

There was a long, uncomfortable pause.

"Ichigo… Ichigo K-Kurosaki?" Her voice was almost deadly, she obviously knew about Orihime's crush. She laughed, whistling a tune. She almost acted… relieved. "So you've noticed too…"

Okay, did _not_ expect that.

I blinked. "Huh?" She sighed, "Well, you've got to be blind not to notice Orihime's… _infatuation,_ let's call it, with Ichigo." I've actually noticed how she's acted around him before, and I'd say its borderline obsession. "And I don't think it's really… okay."

_I think _unhealthy_ is the word, Arisawa._ I wanted to say, but bit back the words. If I did anything to question either Tatsuki's reason or Orihime's better judgment, I'd be in for a world of hurt. Tatsuki and I were friends, of course. Best friends, almost.

But that didn't mean she wouldn't hesitate to break my arm.

"You don't?" I asked, silently wondering what was going on.

"No… it's just… I saw the way they looked at each other. Ich and Ru, I mean. It's as plain as day to see that they love each other, even if they don't notice it yet themselves."

I grinned. "So, is that a yes?"

"Do what you want," Tatsuki sighed, "Just make sure they don't get burned. You can get pretty passionate about your work, you know."

I was too busy daydreaming to hear. "I know," I leaned up against the wall, grinning like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. I probably looked pretty creepy, but I didn't care.

I really didn't.

-----------

**Okay! So, Dawn's planning to play matchmaker. Any guesses to how that'll turn out with Orihime and maybe even Tatsuki later on? Hmm?**

**You likey? Then reviews pleazzzzzzzzzzz................................**

**OK, I gotz a new trailer for dis story (nice, huh?) and I'll put up a new link for it later, so check out my profile page soon! Now, again.........**

**Please review!**

**-TMU**


	7. Oh My My My

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary:  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU**

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and ****Saving Zoë**** by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

**I think you can tell which Taylor Swift song this is to. Don't own that, either!**

* * *

**Chapter six:  
Oh My, My, My… (Rukia's song)**

_She said, I was seven and you were nine  
I looked at you like the stars that shined  
In the sky, like pretty lights  
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us  
Growing up and falling in love and our mamas smiled  
And rolled their eyes and said oh my, my, my_

Mary's Song

-----------

**Byakuya:** I walked, almost sluggishly, through the snow. It was nearly five in the morning, and I always liked to get to work early. To avoid traffic, people, that secretary of mine that always ogles me when I pass by.

I could see my Benz clearly now, and sighed happily at the thought of the heater.

I never noticed the other person walking, until I collided with them. Whoever it was promptly fell on the ground, and let out a small cry of pain. I staggered backward a bit, but managed to look down and help the young girl I'd knocked over up.

She was about seventeen… maybe eighteen. She had dark, ebony hair and hazel eyes… they promptly widened when she saw me. I recognized her as one of Rukia's friends… Dawn, I think. "B-Byakuya!" She yelped, surprised, and I almost smiled.

"You're Dawn, right? What're you doing out here so early?"

A light pink dusted her cheeks. "Yeah. And, um… Oh, you know. This and that. I wanted to take a walk…"

"A walk?" In this weather? At this time?

"Y-yeah. M-my name's Dawn, i-isn't it?" She joked halfheartedly. She kept stuttering. I could tell she was really embarrassed. Either that or she was _really_ cold. "A-and you? What're you doing out?"

"Heading to work."

Now she really looked astonished. "It's only five fifteen, really? I thought Rukia was the only person who woke up at this ungodly hour." She grinned, and I blinked. "Oh, so… how is she?" The girl, Dawn, smiled a little, like she had a secret she didn't want to tell.

"She… she's okay. As a matter of fact, better than okay. She's perfect. I think she's finally getting over…" She stopped, and those inexperienced, childish, big hazel orbs looked up at me, almost asking for permission to say what she wanted to say.

I really didn't know what to say, so I hoped my own eyes conveyed my thoughts. She looked back down quickly, and didn't speak of it after that. I wouldn't have gotten mad whether or not she said Hisana's name… it actually comforted me to hear people say it, strangely.

"N-never mind."

I blinked. "It's fine, okay?" I said in a voice I had hoped sounded _somewhat_ comforting, instead of the half-assed caring mood I was usually in, in these situations. She nodded to herself, and smiled gently. "Thanks. Uh, goodbye, Mr. Kuchiki," She bowed politely, and scurried off, to God-knows-where.

I blinked.

What just happened?

--------

**Rukia:** _I've got to be truthful. My life's actually slightly better than hell, and that's a good thing, you know._

…_What? It's true, it really is. Okay, so you know what happened today? I read Hisana's diary, again, right? Okay, so yeah, I figured something out about her. Something that's totally _not_ her, so not like _Hisana_! It's just so out of character, I'm wondering if Asuna or Yoruichi stole her journal and wrote it instead._

_But, get this. And no, it's not about the drinking, we all knew about that DUI ticket she got when she was sixteen, even though she _claimed_ she never drank at _all_. It's not about the sex, either. I know _all_ about her nights with Byakuya. Thin walls. Very, very thin walls._

_But it's about her boyfriend _before_ Byakuya. A guy named Fuyu Yamoto. _I _didn't even know about him, that's how secret he was! Ugh, and from what she wrote, he was a real jerk. I didn't even know him, but I wanted to kick him in the place no man would ever want._

_I skip around an awful lot when I read her entries, and this was one of her first._

_Here are her exact words:_

'_I broke up with Fuyu (GO ME!) and damn, do I feel good about it. I don't know how long I could've lasted him picking me up for our dates, smelling like cheap perfume and a lip gloss smear across his cheek he _thought_ he'd gotten off._

_Oh, and I found the slut he'd been fucking. It was that whore, Akiyo Fujiwara from homeroom. You know, the bitch that always wears the booty shorts and tank tops and super tight skinny jeans? Her, right. Okay, so I called Yoru and told her about it all the night after the breakup, right?_

_And the next day, I walk into class, Akiyo wide-eyed, and Yoruichi just _cussing her out_. I was so proud! So, okay, right, now the entire school knows Fuyu as a cheating man-whore and Akiyo as a pettily stupid, jealous, wannabe._

_I hate her, I really do.'_

_I honestly didn't know Hisana knew that type of language._

------------

**Ichigo:** I hated Mondays, but then again, doesn't everybody?

Ms. Ochi was droning on and on about something involving Shakespeare, and even though I loved his sonnets (Yeah, I'm manly enough to admit it), I couldn't help but think about the girl behind me. The girl who was, without a doubt, the cause of my failing English grade. The girl who seemed happy and sunshine-y one minute, then cold and aloof the next.

Rukia.

I allowed myself to look over my shoulder, and then I turned my head, pretending to scan the room uncaringly. Nobody seemed to notice. "Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it is morrow," Ms. Ochi read loud and clear, "Does anyone know what that line is from? Kurosaki?"

I may have been off in la la land, but I knew English. "William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet", Act II, scene two."

"Good," She said tersely, smiling. "And that's tonight's homework, alright you maggots? I want you to read the tragic love of _Romeo and Juliet_, and be able to answer every question that's on the pop quiz tomorrow." Half the class groaned, while others smirked.

Not really a 'pop quiz' if she was telling us about it, but whatever.

I let my focus drift behind me, towards Rukia.

She was smirking.

-------------

**Rukia:** I was in the library.

"'When Hope is not enough, Savannah learns' blah, blah, blah." I bit my lip, "Mimi Kane," I read the authors name aloud, looking over the book cover.

It had a picture of a ghostly-looking girl, clad in a white gown, her pale blonde hair contrasting deeply with her dark eyes. She was playing the piano, a dark sky above her head, streams of light pouring through, and the blue sea as her backdrop. She was smiling almost hopefully, her head towards the sky.

Its title, _Need_, glared at me through its ghostly lettering.

"It's about a girl," I turned quickly, blinking wildly at Orihime, who had a peaceful, friendly smile on. "It's about a girl who feels like her world's falling apart after her mom leaves her dad," She had a wistful look on her face. "She falls in love with some guy, and he helps her."

"Sounds typical," I snorted, looking at the 'from the book' paragraph on the back.

"And I know I'm not a normal girl, with a normal lifestyle, or a normal family or anything. I live in Malibu. Sounds fancy, but not at all. I don't have any siblings, barely a family to call my own. Just my dad and an unnamed mother. A blind grandmother and a couple cousins. I never thought someone who lived without normality, who lived without love practically her whole life, could fall for someone like Stephen Ronnie, who might as well be a demon. Good looking, devilish personality, but with the insane desire to love. And I think that's what drew me to him."

I read it aloud, and then looked at Orihime. She had a blank look on her face, save for the wistful light in her gray-blue eyes. I knew what she was thinking, I think. No… I know. It was like she said it out loud, for everyone to hear, but she hadn't.

_It's her life._

I blinked. I didn't have a family, not really. And I grew up without any love, almost. But I had a sister, just not anymore.

I sighed, walking past my friend, towards _Barnes and Nobles_ front check-out.

I held the book tight.

--------

**Ichigo: **I couldn't believe it. Nobody could _make me believe._ As if Dawn couldn't get any crazier. But, then again, she never ceases to amaze me.

She has a psychic! His name's Zangetsu. Normally I'd have to be very, very drunk to put my faith and money into the hands of some guy who was hired by one of my only friends who needed therapy.

He wasn't very old, maybe thirty. His eyes were a dark brown color, and his eyes matched. "Zangetsu, please meet my dumbass friend, Ichigo," now, normally, I would've yelled at her for calling me that, but she gave me this look that told me to shut up _or else._

"Nice to meet you, Ichigo," He smiled half politely, half condescendingly, and pulled out a deck of Tarot cards. I raised an eyebrow. "Pick a card from the top deck," He smirked, and my skin crawled. I did as he said, and he took it from me, turning it over.

"The sun," he said, his fingers brushing the card.

Dawn looked at me, a small smile on her face.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing," She looked away, still smiling. Zangetsu sighed, "You're about to find the light…" He trailed off. Looked up, smiling slightly. "You'll step into a darkness, but find your way out because of someone," He flipped another card.

'Strength' is what it read. "…Someone, with courage. Bravery. Someone who overcomes any challenge thrown their way." He threw down the third, the last card. "The moon," he smiled softly. "Hope. You'll find… hope."

"Okay, that was something I already have. I _have_ hope, okay? And I know a lot of people who are brave, that doesn't mean anything!" Dawn 'tsked'. "Shut up, mm'kay? I'm doing you a favor, here. Isn't there anyone who you… oh, I don't know, who's brave, that jumps out at you? Like _pop_!" She jumped towards me, her eyes quizzical.

"No." I said bluntly, trying to turn away, but she grabbed my shoulder. "Just… just give it some thought. Can you do that, at the very least?" She seemed desperate to make me listen. "Fine," I finally said. "Okay, alright. I'll give it some thought."

Because in my mind, there was one girl who resembled exactly that; bravery, temperance, and the very image of the moon, of the night, of purity.

Rukia.

And as I looked at Dawn, as I looked at Zangetsu, who was smirking knowingly at me, one thought plagued my mind.

_Ichigo Kurosaki… what _are_ you thinking?_

---

**Rukia:**

_My eyes narrowed as he approached. "Hey," Stephen drawled lazily, and I snorted. "Hi, loser." I said, and for a second, it was a year ago. When our lives seemed so normal. Harmony, Mary, and I… we were just seventeen year old best friends, counting on forever. _

"Rukia!"

My head jerked up, and I smiled softly at Tatsuki, who was grinning like a maniac. "What'cha reading?" She asked in a sing-song-y type of voice, and I laughed softly.

"It's called "Chasing Hope" by Mimi Kane. Do you know it?"

"I've read it once," She said, sitting down next to me. We were in my living room. I'm assuming dad let her in. "It's okay, but I happen to think Stephen was kind of pessimistic, and Vince was a little coldhearted." She shrugged. "Why aren't you reading Romeo and Juliet?"

I waved her off. "I've read it a gazillion times, don't need to do it again. I'm pretty sure I'll get a passing grade tomorrow."

"I'm sure you will, too. Your memory's a steel trap."

"Thank you," I grinned. "So… what're you doing here?"

She paused, like she was contemplating on something. She seemed to solve her worries quickly, though, because the next second, she was grinning again, and told me, "Oh, just wondering if we could study together, but since you're already done…"

I rolled my eyes. We both knew very well that wasn't the reason she was here, but I didn't question it. "Nah, it's okay. I was about to go crazy with all the quiet, anyway. I needed someone to bug."

Tatsuki snorted; "You need to get a dog, seriously."

"I've been thinking about it," I said half-truthfully. I _did_ need an at-home companion, even if it was a fur ball named Scruffy. My father was at home too little enough to care, just so long as he came home to a stable house and no dead animals.

"Let's go somewhere," Tatsuki suggested suddenly, and I snorted. "What? On a school night? Won't Mikuru get upset?" Mikuru was Tatsuki's stepmother's name. Most of the time, like when it didn't involve curfew, Mikuru was just like Tatsuki's hip older sister.

Usually.

"Nah, she and ol' dad are going out tonight."

"Aren't you kind of creeped out that your forty-four year old dad is sexing up a twenty-three year old?" I asked. I would literally throw a book at my father if he tried it. Tatsuki shook her head, "No, not really. They really like each other, and Mikuru doesn't seem to have any ulterior motives."

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, whatevs. Where are we going?"

"To Dawn's."

"Why Dawn? And is Orihime gonna be there as a witness? More importantly, am I coming _back_?" We stood up, Tatsuki picking up her cardigan, me walking to the coat closet, pulling out my favorite blue jacket.

Tatsuki feigned hurt. "Oh my god, Rukia. I can't believe you don't trust us! And _no_, Orihime's not coming. Just one of Dawn's friends and her little brother. You remember Austin, don't you?"

I shuddered, "Yeah, I do. And he's the reason I never come to her house anymore. Don't think I forgot that little incident with the lizard and the goldfish."

Tatsuki shook her head, "What's your excuse for the rest of us? And that was funny."

"Not for me it wasn't." I said with a low growl. I blinked, recalling something. "Which one of Dawn's friends are we talking about? He doesn't happen to have a shiny red nose and make up, right?" She knew I hated clowns.

Tatsuki laughed. "Nah, it's not Fitzo, so calm down." She recalled my little 'moment' at her birthday party, when her clown, Fitzo, sprayed me with some water. I was five, and I hated clowns, so naturally I was crying like a baby.

"Her name's Shirayuki."

That was such a familiar name, but I couldn't remember why. I blinked, searching the back of my mind, but could find nothing. Then, it hit me…

"You're bringing me to her psychic?!"

--

Tatsuki flinched. "Aura reader, really."

"Same difference!" I whined as we got to Dawn's house. It wasn't a fancy-schmancy mansion like Orihime's, or a normal abode like Tatsuki or my house. It was something in-between, big, and not fancily rich big, but kind of an old, mysterious, family heirloom big.

Dawn opened the door not a second after we'd knocked.

"Hey!"

--

**Dawn: **Okay, Strawberry down, one to go.

I was so happy Zangetsu and Shirayuki decided to help me out, even though I just knew they would. They both know Ich and Ru's personalities from moi, and think that they'd be cute together.

After all, Zangetsu's _so much_ like Ichi! Stubborn, cocky, rude, makes a woman want to punch and hug him all at the same time… yep. Classic idiot.

And Shirayuki and Rukia… they're just… wow! I think they may be related in one way or another. They're both stubborn, and a little dark, but pretty quiet, too. They can also hold their own and aren't needy, either.

I huffed, and nodded to Shirayuki, who was currently sitting on my couch. "Austin," I said to the little twerp sitting beside her, his warped mind tuning onto the video game in his hands.

"What?" He whined.

I glared. He was almost twelve, shouldn't he know better? "Put Pikachu away for a minute, would you?" Stupid Pokémon obsessed little brother. "And go upstairs. Mom wanted you in bed by nine." It was barely seven, but he didn't need to know that.

"You can't tell me what to do." He said simply, and went back to ignoring me.

So far, I had three options looking at me.

Number one, I could force him to go upstairs, but the 'little angel' would just rat me out saying I punched him (Which I probably would) and I'd be grounded.

Number two, I could just_ take_ the stupid game away. I mean, it's not like I would _break_ the damn toy… maybe.

And then, number three. Bribing. I shrugged. What the hell did I have to lose?

"Austin, hon," I sat down next to him, "If you go upstairs and at least pretend to be asleep, you've got," I pulled out the cash, "Ten dollars comin' your way." He looked dryly at me. "Make it twenty."

I glared. "Five."

"Fifteen."

I paused. Then, sighed impatiently when I heard a knock at the door. "I'll give you _thirty _if you promise not to say a word." He nodded and quickly took the money, running upstairs. I huffed. Well, there went my allowance for the next six weeks.

"You could have just taken the game away," Shirayuki said with a smile. I wasn't humored. "Don't push me, Shirayuki." I warned, getting the door. I quickly put on a happy façade, swinging the door open. "Hey you guys!"

Tatsuki gave me a look that plainly said, 'You better know what you're doing'.

I had hoped so.

-------

Okay, so we went over the same deal with Rukia as we did with Ichigo. Just a little idea about the other, so maybe they could find each other on their own. Truth be told, Zangetsu and Shirayuki aren't real psychics.

Zangetsu's a science teacher at Kakura U, and Shirayuki's a dance instructor. But I had the Tarot cards, and they were willing to help out. When Tatsuki and Rukia left a little past nine, Shirayuki sighed, intertwining her hands with her husband's. Zangetsu tossed me a knowing look.

"So… what's your next plan?"

I sighed, a worried frown gracing my features. "I have absolutely no clue."

------

**I think Dawn's in the story too much, but I don't know. Will major IchiRuki events in the next chapter make up for it? So, anyways, for those of you who haven't noticed, I put up a new poll for my pairings. So far, Dawn/Byakuya, Orihime/Uryu, and Renji/Tatsuki are winning. But there's still time for it to change, so HURRY UP AND VOTE!!  
**

**-TMU**


	8. Romeo, Save Me

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary:  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU**

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and Saving Zoë by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

**There's quite a few songs mentioned here, and I don't own any of them!**

---------------

**Chapter seven:  
Romeo Save Me  
**_Romio Mewo Hozon_

_Yeah when my world is falling apart,  
and there's no light to break up the dark,  
that's when I, I, I look at you.  
When the waves are flooding the shores and I  
can't find my way home anymore…  
That's when I, I, I look at you…_

When I Look at You

**Rukia: **

The list… and the game. They both go together, like doors go with windows. They're both so much alike, and so different, too. A door and a window, to separate objects. Two objects you can get in and out of, two in-between places.

The list… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And the game of life. Two totally different things, with so many common denominators. Life. Love. Expecting. Heart. Soul. Nature. Everything.

It's strange, to say the least. But everyone's got a past. Some say fate's not written in stone, but I disagree. How would we go about? What higher force really _does_ control every thought and action in the human mind?

I don't know.

I wonder that as I stare down, blankly at the pop quiz Ms. Ochi had set out for us.

_What date was Romeo and Juliet written?_

_A) 1291_

_B) 1509_

_C) 1594-1595_

_D) Never recorded_

Sighing, I circled letter 'C', not really pausing to think. I knew I was right. _Romeo and Juliet…_ I thought with a small smirk, _how frustrating their lives were. I don't think I could've taken it. I could barely stand the damned book. Mistake after dreary mistake… your patience has to wear thin._

I answered the last question, and the bell rang just as I dropped my pen in my bag. I huffed, standing up, heading for the door.

Oh, well. I've had worse days.

---------

**Ichigo:**

_I find the map and draw a straight line  
Over rivers, farms, and state lines  
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be  
It's only finger-lengths that I see_

Music blasted from the speakers hooked up to the TV, Snow Patrol's _Set Fire to the Third Bar _pulsing through the house. The only reason I knew about the damn song was because Yuzu dragged me and Karin to see 'Dear John' with her. I sighed, looking around for any sign of someone I knew, finding only the dumbasses I came with.

Keigo and Mizuiro.

Mizuiro was picking up on some twenty-so year old women. Naturally.

Keigo, drunk, was trying to get him to introduce them. Of course.

_I touch the place where I'd find your face…  
My finger increases of distant dark places_

My eyebrows knitted together in irritation. I really didn't want to spend my Saturday night at some random girl from my Chem. Class's house, waiting for Keigo and Mizuiro to drink till they pass out. And yet, I was here, waiting.

_For what, exactly?_

The back of my mind questioned smugly; it knew who I was looking for. Even if I didn't want to admit it, myself. I spotted Riri, our little piss-ass drunk hostess. She blinked a couple times when I called her name, but quickly composed herself and slurred,

"Oh, h-hey, Ichi! H-how're ya liking the party? O-oh, whoa…" She stumbled a little, hiccupping. "If mah parents e-ever see me like th-this, I'd be soooooo grounded!" She giggled, and continued. "Oh, geez. I hope they don't come by tomorrow. I'd be dead!"

"I'm sure you would be," I looked at her with some sort of half-smile. "How many people did you _invite_?" I felt a little weird talking to a drunken Riri, seeing as how it's already so odd talking to a sober one, but I really needed something to quench my boredom.

"Uhm… our Chem. class, and a couple dozen other people!" She stopped giggling. "Maybe more. Ririn _warned_ me she'd invite a couple others!" Riri smiled happily, like she'd solved some important question, turning and stumbling away.

I remembered Ririn. She was Riri's sister. A little blond chick that kind of reminded me of a feisty little bird, she was small, and I mean _seriously_ petite, but really angry all the time.

_Set Fire to the Third bar _ended, Martha Wainwright's voice echoing in its ghostly pitch throughout the house. And as the second song, The Fray's _How to save a life_ started, my eyes caught someone.

_Rukia…_

--

**Rukia:**

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.  
Somewhere along in the bitterness,  
and would I have stayed up with you all night  
had I known how to save a life…_

I felt that familiar sense of running away haunt me again as I looked at Kurosaki. I looked behind me swiftly, looking for some sort of backup, but Dawn, Tatsuki, and Orihime were gone. I looked about again, and realized Dawn was talking to some hot guy by the TV, Tatsuki was nowhere to be found, and Orihime was catching up with Nikki, some girl from third period gym.

I was almost about to walk away and pretend I never saw him, but quickly realized how stupid that would be. I mean, he stared _right at me_! It would've been pathetic.

So instead, I tried… note the word _tried_… to walk up casually and talk to him. "H-hey." I said when I was close enough.

"Hey, Rukia." He said casually, and my heart thumped. Okay, so maybe I've been putting this off for too long. You'd have to be as blind as Orihime to see that I didn't feel… you know, _something_ for Kurosaki.

That brought another problem… what would I tell Orihime?

_She'll never know,_ I told myself calmly. _Because I'll never be with him. I'll just go on, martyring and feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I'll become a shut-in._ I nodded swiftly to myself, smiling a little. _Perfect. _

"How's it going?"

"Pretty good," I said truthfully. "We have… _got_ to stop meeting like this. At these dumbass parties, around drunken people…"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Not everyone's drunk. For example, I'm not drunk. And you're obviously… well, not." He looked at me as if it were obvious. Which, by the way, it was. I smiled a little nervously.

I opened my mouth to say something not even I could know, but he beat me to the punch.

"Do you want to go out sometime?"

Whoa, was that rushed? My mind whirred with answers, yeses, no's, and everything in-between, ranging from "I can't I'm busy" to "Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!"

It was weird. I've never had this sort of inner conflict with myself. My heart and my mind were in an all-out battle against each other, but I had to go with my heart. I wasn't even sure if the voices in my head were good or bad.

"Um… why the hell not? Sure." I pretended to be nonchalant, but I think he could see how excited the _both_ of us were. He grinned almost stupidly.

"Ah, great! I'll call you later, okay?"

All I could do was nod. "Yeah. Okay, bye."

The next song rolled around, and I was surprised at how quickly the hours were flying.

_You say you don't need me  
You say there's something beneath me  
I'm not gonna let you disappear  
And I don't wanna hear it  
I don't wanna believe it  
I'm not gonna let you disappear_

----

"Well? What did they say?" Dawn was practically jumping up and down with excitement.

The guy she was talking to earlier, Daisuke, smiled triumphantly. "I think he asked her out," He said it as if he were discussing the weather. "Why, are you jealous?" He sounded like he would be put off if she said yes, because that would mean she liked Ichigo, and very, very glad if she said no.

"Ew! Of course not! I mean… Ichi's a good friend, okay? A _really_ good friend, but I'd never be anything more than that to him. He and Ruru look _soooooo_ cute together anyways! I just can't believe Tatsuki's plan worked; just two little fake psychics and some bonding time and they're good to go!" She squealed happily at the prospect, and looked around. She suddenly stopped, feeling her blood run cold.

Orihime was staring right at her, open-mouthed, horrified, hearing everything that just came out of her friend's mouth.

---------

**Orihime:** All this time, I thought Dawn and Tatsuki were on _my _side. I guess I was wrong. Really, really wrong. I know they both knew about my feelings for Kurosaki, yet they still do this? Plot and plan behind my back?

My head hurt. I could hear Tatsuki's voice from behind me. Dawn was looking at me apologetically, her eyes downcast, shimmering with tears for me.

"I'm so sorry Orihime." Tatsuki said simply, sorrowful. "W-we didn't mean for it to be… like _this_." She gestured around.

"It's fine," I lied, my voice thick with tears. "Wish them the best of luck," I smiled truthfully, my heart racing steadily. They _did_ look good together, and for a split second, I understood why my best friends went behind my back to try and hook them up.

They looked good together.

They enjoyed the other's company.

He was compassionate.

She showed so much empathy.

He was stubborn.

She, even more so.

He was athletic.

She was smart.

He loved picking at her height.

She loved making fun of his hair.

They were perfect, but so beautifully imperfect, too. It's such a strange combination, and just seeing two people like that together makes your heart flutter with joy. Two people who act like no one but the other exists.

Two months, give or take a little more time. That's all it took for them to fall in love.

That's all it took for my world to come to a screaming halt.

I smiled, looking at the hopefully 'new' couple.

------

**Dawn: **I feel sick. Horrible, sickly, awful, like I'm gonna throw up. I'm such a bad person! I thought that Ruki and Ichi would be so much better off… that I didn't even _consider_ how Orihime would take all of this. I just thought she would move on, like she always did. You know, tough it out.

Oh, boy, how wrong I was.

"Orihime, I'm sorry, I…"

"It's alright," She cut me off, her voice suddenly happy and understanding. I paused, momentarily dumbfounded. "I get it. I obviously don't belong with him, if even you guys are saying so. I guess I'll just have to… move on, huh?"

I bit my lip, my heart hurting for her. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are." Her voice was soft, understanding, and oh so Inoue.

And I could now officially call myself a jerk for breaking my best friend's heart.

-------

**Rukia: **My mind was spinning in crazy circles. Did I just agree to _go out_ with Ichigo Kurosaki on a _date_?

_It's not a date, _my mind seethed angrily at me, the side that fought for Orihime's chances with Ichigo. _It's merely a night out with a male friend. Alone. At a restaurant. And the movies. And… stuff._

The more the Tatsuki-like voice listed things, the more it sounded like a date.

_Oh, who're you kidding?_ The side that loved the idea of an Ichi-Ruki romance declared, _you love that clown-haired son of a bitch! You love him, you love him, you love him, you loooove him!_ Strangely, that voice reminded me vaguely of Dawn.

_I don't love him. _My more logical side spoke, the one who didn't take sides, the one who didn't believe in love. My old self, before and after Hisana. My Samsung Eternity buzzed wildly from my jeans pocket, and a faint 'beep' was heard, signaling a new text.

'_Hey._' Was what the one-worded message said, and confusion welled inside me. What the fuck? I checked the number, and I didn't find it very familiar, but I know I'd seen it somewhere.

But where?

---

**Unknown:** I feel so bad, tricking him into coming here. I know he never wanted to come, I know it brought back a little less than happy memories. And I know for a fact he's probably out there, somewhere, drinking himself to an early grave like he always does when we come to Karakura.

Maybe we should've stayed in Tokyo; if this was how he was gonna act. Yui, my grandmother, wandered out of her armchair, blissfully unaware. "Hello, grandmother." I said blandly. She was as blind as a bat, the old crow. She would've walked straight into the wall if I hadn't stopped her then. I helped her sit back down.

She laughed that old, wise, ancient laugh of hers. "Why, hello there, child." Her voice was old and ancient, and had that same thick accent my mama had. We were in the nursing home Byakuya landed her in almost twenty years ago. She was ninety-seven now, and showed no sign of sickness or death. Kind of ironic, my parents died long before she was even landed here.

"You finally come to visit," Her voice took on a hurt tone. "Did I do something to upset you?" She still hasn't grasped the fact I'm not some kid anymore, who could visit her whenever. I was an adult now, a busy, working adult.

"Ah- no, of course not." My voice was sweet and sugary, the type of voice that would instantaneously make you think, 'little red robin hood!'

"I've been keeping busy. Hasn't Byakuya visited? Hisana, maybe?"

Her brows knit together thoughtfully, her gnarled old hands shaking lightly in her lap. She was quiet for so long, I thought for a moment she might be sleeping.

_Oh, grandma,_ I thought hopelessly, _what would I do without you?_ My inner thoughts were sarcastic.

"Hisana's dead."

I blinked wildly, barely hearing her. Maybe she was senile? Or maybe she mistook Hisana for my mother, Hina? It's not like it would've been the first time, anyway.

"I'm sorry, I think I misheard you," I said, laughing incredulously for a moment. _Dead?_ If she were dead, if my sister-in-law had died, I would have surely been told, right? Or does my little brother hate me so much?

_No,_ I thought helplessly, _He doesn't, because she's not dead. Grammy's just crazy._

"I said she was dead, hon, get the beeswax out a your ears!" She smiled a little, but seemed a little more fragile than her small Asian form already lent on. "Died two years ago, I think… Or maybe three years. S'been too long," Her voice dropped, and I could tell she didn't want to talk anymore.

I've been gone for five years. No phone calls, no letters, no window of opportunity for any of them to come out and say, "Oh, yeah. Hisana's dead." Of course, I knew they wouldn't say it like that.

"How's Renji?"

Her question caught me by surprise. Who? Oh, yeah. Renji. Renji Abarai, my godson. I opened my mouth to tell her, but quickly shut it again. What would I say? Depressed? Or maybe lie and say he was ecstatic to see his dad again! No, I couldn't do that.

"He's okay. Nervous."

Yui laughed loudly, and then shook her head. "Never was a good liar, you. Haven't taught you nothin' all these years? All those times I helped you sneak out the backdoor when your father and my daughter weren't lookin'? Psh. You're hopeless."

I grinned. Yui had this funny air about her, the kind that makes you laugh when she's trying to insult you. "Yeah, I am, aren't I? Well, he _is_ pretty nervous, to say the least. He's actually getting emancipation."

"He is?"

"He's seventeen, he was eligible last year, but he wanted to stay with me."

"Then, hon, tell me, what's the point of emancipicication?"

I laughed. "_Emancipation_, gram's. And, I really don't know. I think he's lookin' for an excuse to cuss ol' daddy out. How _is_ Hibiki? Have you talked to him recently?"

She scoffed. "Mitsuki, honey, the day I start talking to Hibiki Abarai when I don't needs to be the day I die, lemme tell you."

I laughed silently. My name's Mitsuki Kuchiki. I'm twenty-seven. I've got a twin brother named Byakuya, and a godson named Renji. I live in Tokyo with him, and have for the past year.

And this year, is a year for change.

----

**Byakuya: **_Why didn't you tell me?_

A simple email from my not so simple big sister. I sighed. So she knew about Hisana?

_Why are you here, why now?_ I mailed back, and knew she wouldn't get to it for some time.

---

**Two days later;**

**Rukia: **Ichigo.

Just thinking his name sent a thrill through my body. I had almost completely forgotten about the weird text at Riri's party, totally focused on the clown-haired, big-mouthed, son of a bitch I was totally school girl crushing over.

Ichigo had texted me the next day, the day after the party, in English, actually. It kind of made the class that much more bearable. He'd asked; _Movies, tomorrow, at eight?_ so, of course, I had to _hell yeah_ him right back, which almost made me get my phone confiscated.

Oh, hell. It didn't matter. It was perfect. I was going out with him tonight, and nothing was going to distract me.

…Well, maybe the thoughts of a jealous, brooding, Orihime Inoue.

I stopped smiling, my good mood dissipating instantaneously. What would I tell the poor girl?

Maybe I shouldn't worry so much. I mean, she's forgiving, isn't she? She's so kind and forgiving and you'd never destroy her. She's just that strong.

I didn't think of it too much, and got ready for my 'date'.

…If you could call it that, even.

-------------

**Dawn: **

I tapped my foot impatiently against the hardwood. "Yuki-san?"

Shirayuki smiled kindly at me, setting down a steaming cup of tea in front of me. "Hmm?"

"What Zangetsu said… that some sort of darkness would befall Ich… he was _kidding_, wasn't he?"

"Of course!" Shirayuki laughed. "He's not a real psychic, Dawn. Just an educator with some anger management issues, is all."

"Oh, okay." Somehow, I couldn't help but not believe that. Something, in my gut, told me something was gonna go sour in wonderland. Someone would get hurt. If not physically, then emotionally. Maybe both.

I took a sip of my tea, fear creeping in every inch of my heart and mind.

-------------------

**Happy I was quicker than last time?**

**Mmkay, the votes are in! The winners... Dawn/Byakuya, Inoue/Ishida, and Tatsuki/Renji! Thank you! **

**I know, I'm so horribly cruel, leaving you wondering what'll happen at the date, and what's gonna happen… but the 'bad things' won't happen for another few chapters… **

**Ohh, but don't worry! I'll be back soon (Like at the end of the week) with the new chapter! So watch out!**

**OH, AND BTW, THIS IS A SUMMARY TO MY STORY AFTER THIS;** I'm just one busy little be, aren't I?  
**Full summary: _Every time Rukia screams, someone dies. It's what banshees do, whether they like it or not. But when the friends she grew up with since childhood begin dropping dead, it's up to her to figure out what's wrong. Not to mention she has to control the ever-growing lust for the one orange-haired buffoon who can help her, Ichigo Kurosaki.  
_Inspiration: _My soul to save_ by Rachel Vincent, _Slow Goodbye_ by Lesley Roy, the WB show _Charmed_, _Vampire Academy _by Richelle Mead, _Strange Angels _by Lili St. Crow**

**-TMU**


	9. Pure Hope

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary:  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU**

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and Saving Zoë by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews! You're so awesome!**

-----

**Chapter eight:  
Junsui Na Kibō  
**_Pure Hope_

"_Are you scared?"  
_**"To death..."**  
**"Lighten up."**  
_"It's not funny."_  
**"I'm scared of not being with you.**  
_"Oh, baby that will never happen... I'll be here."_

-A Walk to Remember (**Jamie** and _Landon_)

---------

**Rukia: **"Hi," I said happily when I met Ichigo at the movies. Now, normally, he would've had to pick me up at my house. But considering the circumstances of my father, I had insisted to meet him here.

"Hey," He said casually, carefree, as always. "What do ya wanna watch?"

I blinked. "Ah… I don't know. Are there any restrictions? Fears or gory things you can't stomach?"

"Uh, nothing comes to mind. You pick."

He really could've thought about this more, you know? "Oh, um… how about _The Lovely Bones_?" It was supposed to be good, but I don't know. I wasn't even very interested.

He shook his head, "No, sorry. How about the _Edge of Darkness_? I would've said _Avatar_, but are you into that?"

"Well, I'm not into Mel Gibson, so no _Darkness_. And _Avatar_ seems cool, but don't you think it's a bit too… I can't describe it, but… exciting? It's sci-fi, and I'm not too into that." I lied. The fact is, I'd already seen it about a bazillion times.

"Oh, well how 'bout _Aria_?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, okay." _Aria _seemed a bit too cliché for me, but if I didn't say yes, we'd be here all night. My Chem. 2 lab partner Mina and her boyfriend had seen it, and she'd said it was about some girl named Aria who finds love, and he's already taken, and there's a four year age difference, and blah, blah, blah.

Like I hadn't heard it all before.

"Okay."

And so it began.

----

**Next Morning;**

**Mitsuki:** Her name was Hisana. She had a lot to live for, and at the same time, nothing at all. I hated her at first… I was overprotective, some would say. Really overprotective, like borderline obsessed with Byakuya's safety.

She wasn't all that beautiful; she wasn't a feminine Albert Einstein, either. She was ordinary. Average. She was timid and shy and was going to medical school. She wanted to be a pediatrician, be with kids.

I knew, deep in my soul, when I finally approved of their marriage and gave my own little speech when they'd announced their wedding, that perfection wouldn't last. But I didn't have the heart to say it.

She'd always wanted a baby. I could only imagine their kid; my niece. Kind of short, I imagine, like their mother, but they'd have those piercing, icy, but equally kind bluish-gray eyes of Byakuya.

If it was a girl, Mikoto.

If it was a boy, Haruki.

In time, a very short time, even, she became like a real sister to me, and I realized she was the only one Byakuya could ever accept. The only one _I _could ever accept for him.

I licked my lips, setting down my mug of coffee. It was barely nine o' clock in the morning. I stared hard at my godson, who was too young to feel like he was nothing, and deserved nothing all at once. That was what a midlife crisis was for.

"You okay?" I asked, genuinely worried. Renji crossed his arms defiantly.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

I glared at him. "Don't talk back to your elders."

He stared at me for a moment. "…Did you just call yourself old?"

I grit my teeth impatiently. "No, now shut up, would ya?" Most godmothers wouldn't talk like this; they'd shower their godchildren with money and gifts and tell them how wonderful they were… just like their real mother would.

"Just… just stop, okay? I know how you feel. It's tough being back, going to go see your dad. Trust me, growing up, I wasn't daddy's little girl. I was the disappointment, the loner… sometimes I think they would've traded me for a dog if they had the opportunity." I paused to look at the redheaded buffoon I would always think of as my own, even if he only was ten years my junior.

"Just remember; I know what you're going through." I said, smiling a bit, then getting up and leaving.

I had a meeting with my brother.

---------

**Ichigo:** "Look at that," Karin smirked knowingly at me as I came down the stairs the next morning, "I haven't seen you this happy in a long time, Ichigo. What happened last night?" She winked at me, and I blinked.

"What're ya talking about?"

"Oh, you know. Just the fact you got kissed…" She got an evil glint in her hazel brown eyes.

"Shut _up_. And I didn't."

"If you didn't, you wouldn't be blushing right now. And you wouldn't have told me to shut up."

I rolled my eyes. Why couldn't she _drop it_? "_No,_ smart one. I just don't want goat-face to hear you... is all."

"_Yeah_, that's what _all_ of this is about," She said sarcastically with a roll of the eyes. "Don't you worry, bro. Yuzu won't hear about this until you're about to get married, and goat-chin's gonna be dead by the time I decide to spill."

"I trust you," I said truthfully. Karin Kurosaki was probably the sanest person in our slightly deranged family. The reason I say slightly is because of my father. He's the only crazy one.

"You should," She said smugly, walking away.

I smiled.

----

**Mitsuki:** "Hey, bro." My voice was hoarse as I tried desperately to hold the tears back.

"Hello, Mimi."

I laughed almost bitterly. "Oh my God… I can't believe you actually used that nickname! I thought you hated it saying, _People will never take you seriously unless you do this with your name and blah, blah, blah…_ and all that other shit people hadn't taken seriously since fourteen-hundred."

He almost laughed. Instead he just smiled. "Things change as time passes," He was being freaking _nostalgic_ again. Doesn't he get that it's called the _past_ because nobody wants to hear about it half the time?

We were at the cemetery. "Sorry you had to take me, but I didn't want to say _au revoir_ alone." I smiled apologetically, and he waved me off.

"It's fine, I needed to visit anyway."

I licked my dry lips, sniffing, rubbing my eyes in a desperate attempt to rid them of tears.

"My sister. She's already gone," I dropped the single, white daisy. Our flower of 'friendship'. It was something stupid Byakuya and I had made up as kids. A white flower is 'friendship,' a blue flower is 'sadness' and a red rose meant 'passion' or 'love'. I sniffed again, smiling slightly.

"Goodbye."

-----------

**March 10th, 2010  
8:00 PM**

**Ichigo:_ "_**You're so _weird_." Was the first thing Rukia had said that Saturday night, and I wished desperately March was over and done with, April was done, and May was gone, so it could be summer already and we could do this every night.

We were at the little grassy area that separated Maple and Tokiko, our neighborhoods. The meadow that was the 'backyard' of the Old Byron House, a manor that's been in Karakura for years. Nobody lived there anymore, so naturally nobody came to the Meadows.

Nobody, except for a few teenagers.

"I know I am, you are too. You better be grateful I'm here, I had to escape through my bedroom window." It had only been a few days since our first official 'date,' if you could call it that. Note to self: to avoid being pounded into next week by delinquent father, never have a night out on a school day.

Rukia sighed, those shiny violet eyes of hers radiating impatience and happiness all at the same time. "Why am I here, you idiot?"

"I don't know. You didn't have to come, I'm not gonna be doing anything."

She stared at me like I was the biggest idiot on the planet, and then sighed exasperatedly. "You… you're too much." She shook her head in amusement, sitting down on the wooden swing that was hooked up by a big, ancient oak. Two ropes, browned and dirty with age, held the swing together.

"Push me!" She suddenly giggled, and I wondered what had happened to her. Last summer, she was unhappy, and seemingly fed up with life. She was quiet, and looked dead every day. I was actually, genuinely worried about her health. Everyone was. But… suddenly, before first semester even ended, she'd changed in the best way possible.

I complied, pushing her in the air. She was really light. She squealed euphorically, and laughed, "Ichigo! Higher!"

I complied again, and a thrill shot through me when I heard her laugh. I smiled a small, reserved, but contented smile, saying, "You're gonna fall right off you runt," And she snorted.

"If I fall off it's gonna be your fault," She said stubbornly, and I smirked.

"Whatever."

We stayed 'till midnight that night, laughing at talking and falling in love.

----

**_Entry thirty-nine_**

_Byakuya introduced me to his sister Mitsuki. She went to a boarding school in California, but is visiting Japan for Byakuya. She's nice, really nice, but I can't really believe they're siblings. She's so happy, so perky, so carefree… it's like life's the best thing in the world, while Byakuya's only wanting to live for the good moments._

_She seemed a little put off by the fact we were dating, but she told me later that it was because Byakuya's last girlfriend, Maru, had cheated on him or did something. It really didn't surprise me she'd be so overprotective. I'd be the same with Rukia._

_Oh- Byakuya's calling now. Peace._

_-Hisana K.  
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." –Marilyn Monroe_

----

**Rukia:** Remembering Hisana makes me remember her favorite actress; Marilyn Monroe. She was cool, I had to admit, and most of her quotes made up who Hisana Kuchiki was. My big sis wasn't the saint everybody pictured her out to be.

Hisana's life wasn't boring like mine, she didn't read for fun, she didn't dwell in the past or stew in the present, and she lived for the future. Her life was filled to the brim with boys, friends, sex, parties, and everything in between.

My favorite quote of Marilyn's would have to be; "The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."

You wanna know why? Because I think I just found that man.

------

**Byakuya: **I stared hard at my… what was that little delinquent, anyway? My god-nephew? Hell, did that make _sense_?

He had unruly red hair and tattoos of… _something_ all over his face, reaching down god knows how far. I looked incredulously at my sister. Sure, she's nuts, but I didn't think she'd be crazy enough to let him do this at seventeen.

Mitsuki looked at me like I'd grown a fucking second _head_. "What?" She asked rudely, and my temper wavered. "What's the matter?"

I rolled my eyes, "What's with the tattoos?"

She blinked twice, and then grinned. "You like? He got 'em last year at a friend's birthday. At first I grounded him for a few months, but they're actually pretty damn cool, am I right?"

I blinked, now totally positive my older twin was mental. "No, has Hibiki seen this?"

"Will he _care_, quite honestly?"

Hibiki Abarai wouldn't care at all. His son could've married a circus clown while living in South American rainforests.

"No. But why didn't you…"

"I don't comment on your mistakes, Byakuya. Don't comment on my parenting style."

"He's not your real kid."

"He's close enough. And how do you know I won't end up meeting a nice guy and having a couple of kids of my own?"

"Because you're _you_." I admit, that was a little mean, but she was _Mitsuki_. She had one night flings, she loved the thrill of life, she couldn't settle down enough to get a family. Maybe she'd get married someday, but I know for a fact she'd never have a kid of her own. If anything, she'd adopt.

"Meanie," She stuck her tongue out at me.

_That only proves my point,_ I thought with a sigh. "Well, when are you planning on seeing him?"

"In a couple days. I heard he was in jail last month. What happened?"

"Assault. Whoever it was dropped the charges."

Mitsuki whistled. "Lucky son of a bitch." She snuck a peek at her watch. "Speaking of which, I have a meeting. Buh bye, Byakuya." She gave me one quick half-hug, catching me by surprise.

"What was that for?"

She just smiled, nodding to Renji, and walking away.

--------

**Rukia: **It was Monday morning when it happened.

"Rukia, can I talk to you?" Orihime had said, and I could feel my heartbeat quicken involuntarily. I'd forgotten all about Inoue. Did she know? What was going on? My gaze flicked to Dawn, we were in English.

Dawn shrugged, mouthing out, "It's okay," She half-smiled at me. There had been a lot of tension between my friends lately, and it left me wondering what the hell was wrong.

"Yeah, come on," Orihime followed me to outside the girl's bathrooms. "What's the matter?"

She was silent for a long minute, like she was mulling a decision over. "Y-you and Ichigo… you're… _together_, aren't you? Don't lie to me, Rukia." Her eyes held a certain determination I'd never seen in her before, one that frightened me and made me smile all at once.

I looked down at my old Converse, the ones with the little smudge of purplish-blue paint on the left toe. "I w-wouldn't say we're _together_," I spoke truthfully, "But we are _together_," I didn't even think it made sense, but it apparently did to Orihime.

"I see," Her voice was a little hurt, as I'd always imagined it would be, but at the same time, relieved. "Oh, thank you," She flung her arms around my neck, hugging and crying on me. I tensed, obviously uncomfortable.

"Thank you," She said again, her voice barely above a squeak.

I almost smiled. "For… f-for what, exactly?"

"For helping me move on," Was her simple answer, and I nodded to myself. She sobbed again, "I love him, that won't change," She sniffed, "But I know he loves you more."

_No,_ I thought inwardly, _he can't. It's not possible._

"H-he doesn't," I argued softly.

"He does so. I can see it in his eyes. Yours, too." She admitted, pulling back. Her stormy eyes were red and puffy, and she hiccupped. "He _loves_ you, Rukia, even if neither of you see it yet." She smiled, and rubbed her eyes in a desperate attempt to stop more tears.

"Orihime, I'm so, so, _so_ sorry." I was. For that one instant, I saw more of a little sister in Inoue than I ever had before. And then, I felt tears stinging my eyes, too. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

"Stop it." She shushed me, "It's not your fault. You can't help what things do to you. You can't help what fate tells you to do. It's not your option, not your fault."

_Fate, huh?_ I thought wistfully. _Seems so nostalgic, nowadays._ I attempted a small smile. "Okay."

"Okay."

--------------

**Ichigo:** "Let us meet her."

I blinked at my younger twin sisters, incredulous. "Excuse me, Yuzu? Karin?"

"Let us meet your girlfriend!" Yuzu squealed happily, and I flushed.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Oh, fine, your friend who just so happens to be girl," Karin interjected sarcastically, and I glared softly at her. "C'mon, I said I wouldn't tell sis or dad, but you never said I couldn't nod if they guessed correctly. Luckily only Yuzu did."

"You little… oh, whatever. And the answer is _no_, not unless she agrees to marry me."

"You're gonna _marry_ her?!"

"Lucky son of a bitch."

"_No._ And Karin, _language._"

"Awww…" Yuzu bemoaned the loss of her fantasy-me and the woman she doesn't know's wedding. "Too bad, cause you need someone, bro." She shook her head sadly, and then grinned, "At least think about bringing her over, okay?"

"Fine," I wouldn't. My mind was set. As long as the mental guy people called my father was still breathing, none of my girlfriends (present, future, or otherwise) would ever step foot in my childhood home.

"Thanks."

--------

**Mitsuki:**

"_When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary, when troubles come and my heart burdened be… Then, I am still and wait here in the silence… Until you come and sit awhile with me." _I hummed the rest of Lena's song, looking directly at Hibiki, and his lawyer, Drucilla.

"Lovely voice, as always." Hibiki stared at me almost longingly, and I was overcome with the greatest desire to lean forward and slap him silly. Instead, though, I smiled.

"Mulţumesc," I thanked him, wondering if he could figure out what I just said.

"I didn't know you could speak François," Again, I wanted to hit him. He was trying to be smooth. Which, by the way, he wasn't.

"That's Romanian, you ass."

Drucilla cleared her throat, effectively saving me from any and all comments this forty-year old, stupid, uneducated, alcoholic, wife-beating, pedophile was about to make. "Um… may we please compose ourselves? Judge Urahara will be in shortly."

"What? Huh!? Drucilla…"

"Call me Dru, please."

_I'd rather not,_ I thought. She seemed too strict for such a fun-loving nickname. "Okay. Dru. What do you mean _judge_ Urahara?"

"Oh, you know him?" Hibiki asked with honest curiosity.

Forgetting it was Hibiki, I nodded. "Kisuke? Hell yes, my brother's fiancé's old friend's best friend is Urahara." I could tell Dru and Hibiki lost me after 'fiancé's old best friend'.

I was about to explain further, when the door slammed. I stiffened.

"Hey, Mitsuki!"

--------------

**Well how do you likey? Nice, I think. **

**Okay, so here's an overview of the story: Rukia, troubled, haunted over Hisana's death, while Ichigo still blames himself for Masaki's death (although not seen very much in the story). They're growing closer together as Mitsuki and Renji make their entrances. Renji will be going off to college by the end of summer and Mitsuki's fighting for custody rights until he leaves. (Something RenRuki friendship/one-sided romance will happen later!)**

**Please review!**

**Thank you all!**

**-TMU**


	10. Strange Angels

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary:  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU**

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and Saving Zoë by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews! You're so awesome!**

**I don't own any of the songs/quotes/book titles/authors in here, either!**

------------------

**Chapter 9:  
Strange Angels**

_Nobody can go back and start a new beginning.  
But everyone can start today and make a new ending._

-Maria Robinson

**Mitsuki: **Renji was pacing back and forth in front of me, about to tear his hair out.

"Oh, God…" He seethed, and I couldn't have phrased the shock any better. "He… he's _doing what_? Why? Does he really hate me so damn much?" He sounded near-tears, but Renji's Renji, and I knew he'd never cry unless it was something horrible.

Actually, now would be the perfect time to cry.

"I told you," I sighed, "He wants to take care of you. And I wish I could stop him, but the judge probably _would_ think it'd be best for him to take care of you, considering you're his biological…"

"Who cares?!" He screamed at me, "It doesn't _matter_, Mitsuki. He's gonna _kill_ me if I go, and you know it."

"Yeah, I do." I remembered his mother, Akari, vaguely. I'd thought she was crazy when she said I was the godmother; barely twelve, I thought she was only kidding. But when she left, I knew it was all so true. Akari had left before Renji had turned ten, so he'd been alone practically all his life.

He calmed down a bit, then asked; "What're we going to do? Mitsuki, you've taken care of me for only a couple of years, sure, but it was through the most important part of my life and I turned out perfectly fine. Better than I would if _he'd _taken me in."

I bit my lip. "Thank you." I didn't want to admit it, but I was scared. I really was.

----------

**Rukia: **"Are you okay?"

I looked into Ichigo's questioning eyes, full of worry. I opened my mouth to speak, but could think of nothing. So, I sighed, drumming my fingers against the oak desk. We were in math, but Mr. Ukitake was too busy re explaining everything to a few students in the back.

"I'm fine." I lied. Dawn, Tatsuki, and Orihime were still worrying me. What've I been missing lately?

"Liar," He glared hotly at me, and I felt a shiver of something run down my spine. "Tell me the truth."

"It's… about Orihime."

"Inoue?"

"And Tatsuki. Dawn, too."

"What about them?"

"I… I don't know, I'm not worrying too much about Orihime as I am with Dawn and Tatsuki," I lied again, but this time, he bought it. I didn't want him to go asking Orihime what was wrong.

"What's the matter, though?"

"I _don't know_ and that's the issue! Dawn's been really weird lately… like she wants to quit her happy façade and _cry_, and I know her, she would if she needed to, but she's not. And Tatsuki's so quiet, so reserved, and she doesn't want to talk. She's really hostile, too. Well… more so than normal," I admitted.

Ichigo stared at me for a long minute, and then looked back down at his homework. "They've never acted like that," He whispered carefully, tapping his pencil on his desk.

"No. They haven't." I murmured, looking out the window, at a bird.

It was singing freely.

-----------------

**Byakuya: **I was walking in the park when I saw her. That same girl, from so many mornings ago. The one with the dark hair and hazel eyes, the one with the happy smile, the one that fell down in the snow. What was her name?

_My name's Dawn, isn't it?_

Dawn, I remembered, walking through the park. The snow was gone, grass and flowers left behind, naturally. It was still cold, though, so I was wearing a black jacket draped over a white tee shirt, and jeans.

"Hey," I greeted when I was within her hearing range. I don't know why, but something had drawn me to this girl, to this teenager who reminded me too much of Hisana in her younger days.

"Hello," She greeted me back, and I knew something was wrong. Her eyes were a little distant, and the way she was sitting made me think of a frail, innocent child. She was wearing a black long sleeve shirt and skinny jeans. A necklace hung from her neck.

"Are… you okay?"

"I'm fine," She looked a little shocked that I would ask. "Just… nothing, it's okay." She attempted a smile, and then turned her attention back to her book.

"What're you reading?"

"_My Sister's Keeper,_" She answered with a soft smile. "You ever heard of Jodi Picoult?"

"Yeah, I have." I sighed, and asked, "You want some company?"

She blinked twice, and then broke out a goofy grin. "I'd love some."

I sat down next to her, on the park bench, and said nothing.

Neither of us spoke a word.

--------

**Rukia: **I walked across Elm Street, on my way to Tokiko, to see Ichigo. He'd warned me constantly to _never_ visit his house, but I just loved to mess with his little berry-head. Besides, I couldn't really see what was so bad about it.

"My family's insane!" I impersonated our conversation from a week ago, when I'd first asked him. "Sure they are." I rolled my eyes.

"Rukia!" I heard somebody call my name. I turned, and gasped softly.

"R-Renji?"

--------------

Oh, my god. What's _Renji _doing here? And then, something hit me. That text… the familiar number, it was _him_?

"Oh my gosh, what're you doing here?" I asked in mock-excitement.

"I'll tell you later," He avoided the question with a wave of his hand. "But… what are _you_ doing _here_? In Tokiko? You never come here."

"I… I'm visiting a friend," I lied. I would call Ichigo _a little bit more_ than a friend.

"Oh, well, then." He seemed a little hurt. But hey, I didn't have any time to spend with him. "I'll talk to you later. Bye!" He waved me off, running in the direction opposite of Tokiko.

I sighed. Oh, what's a girl to do?

---------------

**Dawn: **I couldn't remember how long it'd been since I felt this happy. A year? Two? Maybe five. I can't remember. All I can remember is Byakuya made me feel… _happy_, dare I say it. But I can't feel that way. He's older than I am, by nearly nine years.

It's too much of a difference, not to mention he's practically a widower. I knew Hisana… she was an angel in disguise, not to mention cuteness incarnate. She had that jet black hair, those deep, mesmerizing, blue eyes, skin of porcelain, that petite, slim figure… anybody would fall at her feet, just to be near her.

It's hard to imagine a couple like that, compared to me. Because you can't imagine. Because, you know, it's not possible.

Never was, never will be.

----------

**Ichigo: **I sat in my room, listening to a song called _Breakeven_ by The Script. I can't even remember how I got that on my iPod. I shrugged it off; maybe Yuzu had put it in there. The twins were always stealing my stuff.

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing  
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in  
Cos I got time while she got freedom  
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even_

The voice echoed through my head, and I couldn't help but like the beat a little.

_Her best days will be some of my worst  
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first  
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping  
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven_

I heard the doorbell ring faintly, but I thought nothing much of it. Probably just one of Yuzu's Girl Scout friends. I shrugged, hoping there was cookies downstairs.

_What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you  
what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay  
Oh, I'm fallin' to pieces… yeah._

Suddenly, I heard a loud crash and a shout of, "Oh! You're too lovely to know my delinquent son!" And I knew I had to get up and stop the mess my father was making. I leapt out of bed, making a beeline to the front door.

"Dad, what're you doing—" I stopped dead in my tracks, staring at Rukia, dumbfound. "Ah— what the hell are you doing here?!" I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head, and fell to the floor. I looked up angrily at my father, who was glaring at me.

"How dare you speak to a woman like that! My dear, I'm so sorry, you shouldn't be involved with my son if he speaks to you like… wah!" Dad actually _yelped_ when I kicked him in the back of his head. I grabbed Rukia's hand, and we were both out the door not a second later.

"I need to talk to her!" Was my immediate answer to my family's dumbfounded looks.

We were in the park, the one outside the Byron House, where we'd had our first actual date, not some little get-together watching a lame-ass movie. "What're you doing? Didn't I tell you not to come over?"

"You did," She grinned, "But I kinda love pissing you off like that. It's funny seeing your reaction," She laughed that heavenly laugh of hers.

"You little bitch," I smiled.

"That's why you love me!" I could tell she meant for it to be a joke, but I couldn't help but feel an ounce of truth in what she said. I _did_ love the way she acted; her bitchy-ness, her constant complaining, but her compassion and slight sensitivity, too.

I just laughed, though. "Whatever. Come on, let's go. I might as well escape my 'family' for a little while longer. Let's go get ice cream." I didn't want to, but hell, she loved the stuff.

"Ooh!" She jumped up and down like a little school child, "I want a strawberry cone with all the…" She rambled on and on about ice cream toppings, and debated on a cone or a cup. I just smiled the entire way, my hand intertwined with hers.

--------

**Rukia:** Today had been a fairytale, no matter how stupid and cliché and childish it sounded.

I looked up at my iPod. It'd been on shuffle, and the song I'd found was one I didn't listen to too often. _Slow Goodbye _by Lesley Roy.

_So I act cool,  
on the outside,  
but it's eating me alive._

I hummed along to the lyrics, looking outside. It was nighttime, and the moon was out. The pure, full moon.

_All the compromise  
No, I can't take another slow goodbye  
Sitting in the park, after dark, smoking cigarettes  
biting all the black off of my nails  
Cause all I ever was what you took away from me  
Try to make it right, but it's too late._

I rapped my fingers against the windowsill, still humming along. "Oh, all the compromise, I can see it in your eyes, no I can't take another slow goodbye." I sang softly, as it began to rain. Clouds covered the once glowing white moon.

"Oh, all the compromise, I can see it in your eyes, no I can't take another slow goodbye."

--------

**Mitsuki: **"Are you okay?" I asked my idiot godson as soon as got back.

"Fine," He growled unhappily, stomping up the stairs. Some part of me wanted to run up after him, and demand he tell me what's wrong, but another part fought against it, saying he'd crack and tell me eventually.

The former situation eventually won, and I ran upstairs after him.

"Okay, buddy boy," I smiled empathetically, "Why don't you tell me what's going on?" We were in my dad's old study, the one I used to read in all the time. I'm happy I never decided to sell this place; I had enough cash to keep it for whenever I came out here.

I handed him a cup of coffee I'd brought up with me, "Take it. God knows you need it." He took the cup carefully, and sighed.

"I saw Rukia."

"Oh, you did? That's so awesome, kid! How's she doing?" Rukia, his childhood friend from years ago, before middle school. He'd liked her for the longest time, and he finally saw her again and… oh, hold on. Why was he so upset, again?

"Oh, my… Renji, did she not…"

"N-no, not that!"

Okay, that was good. He didn't ask her out and she didn't reject him. If he did, I'd have to blame him. I mean, you just don't not see someone for years and then jump back into their lives, asking them out.

It's just so sudden.

"It's just… it's complicated, and she's not so… and I'm just…"

"Oh for god's sake!" I groaned, looking at him like he was crazy. "Just spit it _out_ man! She got a guy, didn't she?"

"That's what Tatsuki said. And the way she was acting when she saw me… I have to believe it."

"You're such a moron," I laughed, "You don't just go out and expect her _not_ to have moved on with her life after years of not seeing you. She's a beautiful girl; I'd be amazed if she hadn't." At his steely glare, I stopped smiling.

"I… I'm sorry, Renji. But you can't expect everything to be yours. You've got to stay in contact, so you'll know what you're expecting." _I know from experience, _I thought with an inward grimace.

"I gotch'a," he said, surprisingly calm. I smiled— I can't remember the last time he wasn't pissed off or full-on upset about something. Everything was just a big dilemma for him.

"Okay, good," I grinned, standing up and leaving. I shut the door behind me quietly, leaning against the frame with a heavy heart.

"Sorry, kid." I murmured. "You just gotta get your heart broken sometimes." I smiled softly, walking downstairs.

----------

**Ichigo: **"Are you okay?" I asked Rukia at English the next day. The entire school most likely knew about our new relationship, from the amount of whispers and rumors floating around. But Rukia was never the type of girl to let silly, trivial things like that get her down.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I'm okay."

My eyes narrowed. "No, you're not. Do Tatsuki and the others really buy that bullshit?"

She smiled weakly, "Not always. Never, actually. But I try."

I smiled a bit, "Yeah, I guess you do." She turned her head, pretending to focus on Ochi's lecture, but her eyes flicked back to me every few minutes.

_I'll tell you later_, is what her gorgeous blue orbs promised silently, and I turned my attention to the _Julius Caesar _assignment. Not my full attention, of course.

_Okay,_ I thought back, though she obviously couldn't hear me.

"Okay."

------------

**Dawn: **I couldn't believe Momo was here.

I tried to smile at her… I really did. Can't say I succeeded, though. "Mo," I called out, using that old nickname from our childhood. She looked at me oddly, almost frightened, then nodded in my direction.

"Uh, hey, Dawn." We were in Chem. 2, and Mrs. Hikari was showing a couple of students how to do this and that with their chemicals. My lab partner, Mary, looked at me warily, like she was saying _Don't do it, D. Don't do it. _

I blatantly ignored her. I heard her sigh softly, and go back to our experiment. "How've you been doing?"

_Shitty._ We both want to say, but neither of us wants to say it.

"Okay," she lied suddenly, and I'm aware of how much had changed. She's not naïve, the little girl who'd do anything anyone would ask, she's not curious or happy or _truthful_ anymore, and she's lying without hesitation.

"I see," I spoke tersely, sneaking a peek at her lab partner, Nikko. He smiled cutely at me, and I barely felt the hot blush staining my cheeks. Boy crazy, thy name is Dawn. I sighed deeply.

"That's good," I added as a small afterthought, but I didn't really care that much. "I hope you're back for good." I smiled. Now, that part was truth, and nothing but. As angry as I was at Momo, I'd always treat her like the sister all _five_ of us were.

She smiled gratefully, "Thanks," and, without further ado, she went back to her project.

I nodded to myself as I handed Mary a beaker of some purple-ish goo. I stayed silent, but responded to her in my head.

_Mmhm. No problem, Mo._

--------

**My new story is out and about! It's called Fade! Check it out, please, cuz if u like You Raise Me Up, then you'll probably like Fade, too! Lol, so please check it out!**

**Mmhm. Yeah, I know. Weird, right? I need a little conflict, but since a lot is already done, I can't do much more. Okay, review, please? Please? ? **

**-TMU**


	11. Couldn't Be More

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary:  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU**

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and Saving Zoë by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews! You're so awesome!**

**I don't own any of the songs/quotes/book titles/authors in here, either!**

**Oh yeah, and I'm changing Byakuya's age a bit. Sorry! Instead of being 9 years older, he's only 7 years older. Hisana's age stays the same, though. Sorry, it's just so Dawn and Byakuya's relationship isn't as taboo.**

**This chapter is for all the couples, so I hope ya like it!**

**Songs include:  
**Ichigo and Rukia**- Couldn't be More by Derek Daisey (It's cute, and I thought it really fit them. Especially the line, **_**Some silly book or test can't define you**_**. Because it seems they want to find 'themselves' all the time.)  
**Byakuya and Dawn**- Found Out About You by Emily Osment (IDK. I think it fits Dawn and her past better (You'll find out more later). But, eh… I couldn't find any other song.)  
**Ishida and Orihime**- None. (Lol, I'm sorry, but I couldn't find a song. If you guys can suggest one, I'd love to hear it and edit this chapter later!!)  
**Tatsuki and Renji**- I Can't Break it to My Heart by Delta Goodrem (Basically, Tatsuki can't face the facts and tell herself Renji is STILL caught on Rukia, and she likes him. But don't worry! They DO GET TOGETHER LATER.)**

**I pretty much split RenTat's song in half. Sorry, but I couldn't figure out how to move on.**

---------------

**Couldn't Be More**

_The nicest thing for me is sleep, and then at least I can dream.  
_-Marilyn Monroe-

------------

**Entry 42**

_Something happened over the weekend, so I'm sorry I haven't written anything. Let's just say what I did is so private, so personal, so downright scary, I can't even write about it in my safe haven. So sorry._

_I really am. I'll write more later. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. Bye._

_Hisana Kuchiki_

---------------

"Evening, Mr. Kiyoshi," Ichigo smiled a bit as Rukia's father stared at him, emotions unfathomable.

"Good evening. May I ask why you're here?"

"I'm… ah; I'm here to see your daughter, Rukia. We have an… _English_ assignment," He lied quite easily, putting on a handsome grin. Rukia's dad blinked, nodding, and then sighing.

"Okay. Come in." He moved out of the way to let him in, and then proceeded to walk sluggishly up the stairs for his daughter. Something Rukia had warned him about echoed in his mind.

"_My dad's dead. Well, not really, but he might as well be. He's a fucking loser. You'd think he'd be able to move on with his life. He had more losses than I have, yet _I'm_ the one who has to go to therapy. He's an idiot."_

Ichigo shrugged, waiting, walking around the living room.

_Very nice,_ he thought with a small smirk, looking at the polished, oak bookshelves filled to the brim with Nora Roberts, Anne Rule, Nicholas Sparks, and Stephen King. The flat screen TV played some old rerun of Austin Powers. Then there was computer, and everything else set in the medium-sized living room.

He sighed.

-----------

**Rukia**: I'm sure I looked like a bit of a brat, stomping down the stairs like a maniac.

Ichigo smiled smugly at me. "Hey, how's it going, Cinderella?"

I snorted. "Shut the fuck up, you asshole."

"Ooh," He whistled, "You're so cruel, my little ice princess." He joked, grinning. I glowered at him. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Sorry, babe. Payback's a bitch, isn't it?"

"Don't call me that," I snapped, brushing past him. He's too much of an idiot to call me babe. I mean, midget is one thing. So is Shorty. But babe… is just… ewww. And plus, it's too overused. As much as I hated his nicknames for me, I loved the way he used them. I turned swiftly, smiling. "But I think you can make it up to me."

"I already took you out for ice cream," He moaned, dragging his feet over to where I stood. I grinned like a maniac, taking him by the hand and pulling him out the door.

"That was your idea, not mine, remember?"

"Yeah, one of the worst ideas I ever had," He grinned devilishly, pulling me close.

I smiled flirtatiously, blushing. "Maybe we shouldn't _be here_. You know, in case my father decides to drop in." Dad may have been loaded up on Prozac, beer, nicotine, and any other thing that he could get his hands on, but he was still a dad that wouldn't hesitate to break my boyfriend's arm in half.

Yeah— I was actually comfortable enough to call him my boyfriend, now.

Or maybe it's because he continuously calls me his girlfriend, but whatever. I can't say I didn't like it. A lot.

"Maybe we should," He agreed wholeheartedly, and we walked out the door, hand in hand, to God only knows where.

_Aren't you rushing things a bit?_ Some inner part of me asked with a small sigh.

_No,_ I thought back, grinning as we started running. _I'm not. He's perfect. Smart, athletic, handsome, somewhat nice most of the time… Maybe he's too perfect for me. _My grin faltered, but I quickly regained my confidence, and pushed my uneasiness aside for now.

_Mmhm. _The little voice sounded unsure, like me. _If you're so sure, take the leap. I just hope he can catch you in time._

I didn't want to respond.

--------

**Byakuya: **

"Bonjour, Céline. Comment avez-vous fait?" _**(Hello, Celine. How have you been?)**_My French was not a pretty sight, but she understood me, and that was good enough. Celine laughed, and like always, it seemed over the top and forced.

"Je vais bien, Byakuya. Votre français s'est améliorée depuis que je t'ai vu. Oh, et j'ai entendu parler de ta femme. Je suis désolé." _**(I'm fine, Byakuya. Your French has improved since I last saw you. Oh, and I heard about your wife. I'm sorry.)**_

I shook my head, giving her a soft sigh. "It's quite alright," I murmured, and she nodded sadly.

"She seemed like such an amazing woman, your wife." Her voice was thick with her French accent, and she flipped some of her graying, black hair over her shoulder.

"Not yet. She wasn't my wife _yet_. I proposed, but we would've had to wait. We would've been married this spring," I smiled, lost in my past.

Celine just nodded sorrowfully, her smile apologetic.

-------------

**Ichigo: **"Do you know what today is?" Rukia looked at me, her eyes not their normal bright, happy blue. They were blank, almost. Unfathomable. I shook my head, no. She smiled. "Today's Hisana's birthday."

April nineteenth, I thought solemnly. April nineteenth is her birthday. "I'm sorry."

She smiled, but it was dull and overused. "It's _fine_," She sounded so tired.

"Come on, let me take you home."

"No way, buddy boy."

"And why, pray tell, not?"

Rukia grinned. "I don't _want_ to leave just yet. I'd just end up leaving through my bedroom window anyways, so what's the use, quite honestly?" She looked at me with an expression that clearly said 'duh,' but I thought nothing much of it.

"Fine, let's go to your place." She finally said, and my eyes widened over dramatically.

"_No,_" I said quickly. "My deranged family's not goin' anywhere near you," I shivered at the thought of what would happen if they were given _more_ than two and a half minutes with her.

"Why, thanks for protecting me," She spoke sarcastically with a playful smile. "So, if you don't take me to your house, and I don't wanna go home, what're we going to do, pray tell?"

"Stay here." The words were out before I could figure out what I meant by it. She looked shocked for a second, and then she smiled, nodded, and pulled me down with her, on the ground. On the grass. Eyes to the skies.

_Take a step in the world that surrounds you.  
You search for something that just ain't there.  
Hopeless and no-guided highways,  
Now who do you hope to become?_

"Look, a shooting star," Rukia whispered, and I thought about how much like a movie this seemed to be. So surreal, but it made us oh so happy.

_Some silly book or test can't define you  
A thousand words can't begin to describe  
And the steps that you take are deciding  
The very person you are _

"Yeah," I nodded to her. I wasn't about to say something as dumb and cliché as 'make a wish'. It just wasn't who we were. We _weren't _the romantic, lovey-dovey couple everyone imagined boyfriends and girlfriends to be. We didn't celebrate Valentine's day; we didn't say I love you.

Did we honestly have to?

_So take a step from the material world,  
And look into yourself.  
Summon the strength to pull away,  
From all that leads below._

"Hey, Rukia," I said, not at all confident in what I was about to do. I turned over, still lying down, my elbow up, hand supporting my head. I looked at her.

"Hmm?" She turned to look at me, both elbows supporting her, her blue eyes questioning.

I closed my eyes, and leaned forward. My lips brushed hers, and she shivered. A thrill ran through me, and my lips locked on. Her soft and puffy pink lips contrasted deeply with my rough ones.

_Have you found the soul that's inside you?  
Can you breathe for the very first time?  
And the choices you make are deciding  
Where you will go this life _

**Rukia: **"This is a little bad… isn't it?" I murmured when we pulled back. He smelled like something spicy and daring and sexy, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"I… I don't think so. Why would you say that?"

"N-nothing, I guess. It's just… aren't we rushing?"

He took a deep breath. "I don't think so. Just…" He leaned back down, and our lips touched. "I just don't give a shit."

_So summon the strength,  
But don't be afraid,  
Of what is left to come  
You're everything I wish that  
I could be, so find the will to believe_

The next thing I could comprehend, Ichigo's hand was next to my head, him over me. He pinned me down, and I smiled against his kiss. His other hand came to cup my cheek, and I shivered a bit.

_You are who you are, The only one design  
You couldn't be more beautiful  
Cuz a star is a star, but you complete my sky  
You couldn't be more beautiful_

_You… should… _not_ be feeling this way, Rukia Kuchiki… _I tried to convince myself, semi-coherently. Knowing this, I made a halfhearted attempt to push against him, but ended up melting like ice.

_Ah, fuck it. Screw it; I'm living a dream right now._

**End POV: **His tongue pummeled into her mouth, and she melted again. She pulled away first, panting and out of breath.

"Damn," They breathed together, smiling. "It's… um, it's getting late. W-we should probably be getting home, soon."

_Search the heart; the soul that's inside of you_

"Yeah," Ichigo murmured, regretfully. He wished it could've lasted forever, this night. "Come on, I'll walk you back."

"O-okay." He helped her up, and Rukia smiled like a little school child the entire way home. When they approached her front door, she nodded to him, smiling broadly.

"Well, see ya tomorrow."

"Bye."

She hesitated, but quickly pushed any thoughts aside, and kissed him quickly on the mouth. "I'll… call you later?" She seemed unsure.

_You are who you are, The only one design  
You couldn't be more beautiful  
Cuz a star is a star, but you complete my sky  
You couldn't be more beautiful_

"Of course," And, smiling like the Cheshire cat, he walked down her porch steps, hands in his pockets.

Rukia sighed, the biggest grin on her face.

"Yes!"

------------

"You play the guitar." It wasn't a question, but rather a surprised statement.

She was sheepish, an awkward grin gracing her young features. "Uhm… yeah, actually. A little. I'm not very good at it."

"Oh, well how many songs can you play?"

"Just one," Dawn answered him happily, and started strumming on the wooden instrument. "Don't blame me, please, if your ears begin to bleed."

"Okay," Byakuya let something close to a smile cross his lips. It was still a frown, for sure, but it was something with at least a _little_ emotion in it. "I think I know this song," He murmured after a few moments.

"Oh, really?" She kept strumming. "I found it by accident. It was easy, so I played it. And now I love it. What's it called? I never did find the name."

_We were picture perfect  
Flawless on the surface  
We were walking on a straight line_

"Found out about you," He answered, and Dawn nodded slightly to herself.

"Hmm… no wonder it sounds so sad. Like a breakup song. It _is_ a breakup song, isn't it?" She looked at him questioningly, all innocent and wide-eyed. Her hazel depths shimmered with some kind of question deeper than the one she just asked, and more important.

"Yeah," He answered with a small smile.

_We were automatic  
You seemed so fanatic  
I was confident  
And wide eyed_

_This is wrong,_ is what he thought every time he met this girl, over and over again. _She's too young. Seven years? Irresponsible._ And yet, he couldn't stop staring. He couldn't stop the happiness; he couldn't quell the love for this young girl deep in his stomach. Whether it was a sister-type love or something more, he couldn't tell.

_Tough times watched us come undone  
You found someone_

Her eyes shifted up, to look at him. He was staring at her, wide eyed, open mouthed, and in awe.

She blushed.

_Tell me why i think about you  
And tell me if you think about me  
And tell me when you touch her  
Is it really love or just another fantasy  
And tell me does she make you laugh  
And tell me does she make you move  
And tell me does she get you  
Take away your breath  
Just tell me that it can't be true  
What I found out about you_

She kept strumming. Her mind was spinning, though. _Like a roller coaster ride,_ she decided finally, smiling.

_It feels like a nightmare  
To see your hands in her hair  
You seem happy ever after_

"You're… good." He didn't sound like he gave out compliments very much. "Really good."

"Thanks," She strummed faster.

_I'm stuck in denial  
I can't fake a smile  
You play innocent  
It's so damn hard  
So down  
I want back what's mine  
Can we rewind?_

_He's still in love, that's easy to see._ Her heart panged at the revelation. _But he's trying to move on. Don't you know? That's what your mind desires, but it's not what the heart can accept. Byakuya, if you truly love Hisana, don't forget her. Ever. Wait for her. Forever._

_Don't pretend I'm her._

She sighed, but kept up her tune.

_Tell me why i think about you  
And tell me if you think about me  
And tell me when you touch her  
Is it really love or just another fantasy  
And tell me does she make you laugh  
And tell me does she make you move  
And tell me does she get you  
Take away your breath  
Just tell me that it can't be true  
What i found out about you_

He was sitting down next to her, now. On the park bench. He put his book down next to him, on the old, aged oak. To any other passerby, they'd look like a man and his little sister, enjoying the late March breezes.

The cherry blossoms, the birds.

_So much for happy endings  
So much for miracles  
So much for trusting you  
It-it feels so typical  
I miss you  
I miss you  
We were picture perfect  
Flawless on the surface  
We were walking on a straight line_

_Don't forget her._ Hazel eyes followed glowing pink sakura petals.

_I can't feel this._ Gray-blue looked at the blue skies.

_Tell me why i think about you  
And tell me if you think about me  
And tell me when you touch her  
Is it really love or just another fantasy?  
And tell me does she make you laugh  
And tell me does she make you scream  
And tell me it's over  
It's only a dream  
What i found out about you_

_  
And tell me does she get you  
Take away your breath  
Just tell me that it can't be true  
What i found out about you_

_And tell me does she get you  
Take away your breath  
Just tell me that it can't be true  
What i found out about you_

"Well?"

He smiled at her naïveté. "It was a great song."

She grinned.

------------

**Tatsuki:** I can't seem to understand why Renji's so caught on Rukia. I mean, Rukia's nice. She's athletic, too. And smart. And… just about absolutely everything, really. I can't really name anything I can do that she _can't_ do better. It kind of makes me jealous, but then I remember who I'm talking about.

I'm sitting in the old playground near the school, only a couple people besides myself here. A mother and her five-year old son getting ready to leave, a man and his book, a girl and her boyfriend, both about fourteen or fifteen, on the swings, and a the ducks floating around in lake.

I sighed, getting ready to leave this little sunset-end-of-a-movie scenery.

"Tatsuki?" I looked behind me, confused.

"Renji? What're you doing here?" I couldn't hear the stutter in my voice, so that's good. As much as I _hated_ to admit, I liked Renji. A lot. He's a lot like me, and too little like me, too. I think that's what makes me attracted to him, you know, with all that 'opposites' crap and stuff. But he likes Rukia, which _really _sucks.

Oh, lord. I'm talking like some romantic comedy character. I shuddered at the thought of me ending up like Jennifer Lopez when she was on _The Wedding Planner_ with Matthew McConaughey.

_If it's okay  
I'll leave the bed light on  
And place your water glass where it belongs  
And if alright  
I'll lie awake at night  
Pretending I'm curled up at your side_

"I don't know. I just wandered over," He grinned sheepishly, and I smiled incredulously, shaking my head.

_See I'm circling these patterns  
Living out of memories  
I'm still a long way from accepting it  
That there's just no you and me_

"God, even after… geez, how many years again? But, even after so long, you can't help amazing me with your stupidity." His face turned a humorous shade of scarlet, and he turned his head defiantly. A smirk was plastered on his goofy features as he stared blankly at the quaking ducks splashing and swimming around.

"I'm not stupid," He muttered childishly, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, you are." My smile turned gentle. "You really are."

_But if I still believe you love me  
Maybe I'll survive  
So I tell myself you're coming home  
Like you've done a million times  
And if it's alright  
I'll still be loving you  
'cause I can't break it to my heart_

I can't remember how we got there, by the lake, sitting side by side. Many of the waterfowl had long-since flown away, except for a special two. Two swans, side by side, like the happiest of lovers. _How ironic,_ I thought vaguely, thinking of Renji's and my relationship. More than friends, but something less than lovers, too.

A crush? No, it's not that simple.

_Is it just me  
Did i commit a crime  
I won't believe that loving you  
Is just a waste of time  
Or was it in my head  
I'm reading into things that you never said_

It was something more, much, much more, I knew that. I knew I liked—maybe loved—him immensely. I felt this for I don't know how damn long, but it's been a while, I'm positive.

I just _know_ it.

_No, I can't break it to my heart_

---------

**Inoue: **I stared ahead blankly, at the blackboard. Ms. Ochi and the other students were long gone, leaving only me here. I had cleaning duty, and I'd finished a while ago. But why am I still here? Even I don't know.

I heard the door open faintly in the distance, and I turned my head, smiling in my normal, happy-go-lucky way. The boy who walked in was tall and spidery, but in a good way, you know? "Oh," He looked surprised to see me here, but then calmed a bit.

"I'm sorry; I didn't know anyone was here."

I grinned. "Oh, no problem! My name's Inoue Orihime." I recognized this man from my Calculus class. Ishida, I think his name was.

"Oh, of course. Uryu Ishida," He introduced himself with a small semi-smile. I nodded to myself. "Why are you here so late?"

"Huh?" I looked at the clock on the wall; nearly seven-forty two. I blinked in surprise. "Oh, I guess I just spaced, ha-ha. I had cleaning duty."

"Oh, okay."

"And you?"

"Nothing. The sewing club," He admitted sheepishly.

I thought for a minute, and then remembered. That was the club Mahana was in! "Cool, so, are you guys just now packing up?"

"Nah, we've been done for a while," He admitted, sitting in an empty desk, across the room. "I just stuck around."

"Why?"

"I didn't feel like goin' home," He grinned, and I could feel myself blushing.

"Oh."

We stayed, feet apart, in silence, waiting till sunset.

----------

**Mmm? How do you like it? I did, gives us a jump-start to the couples. **

**Please, review!!**

**-TMU-**


	12. The Last Song

**I don't own anything! Put away your lawyers, please!**

**Summary:  
"When you lose someone, you usually go through the five stages of grief… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. …I think I may be stuck on the fourth one." He helped her gain back the hope she had long-since lost. IchiRuki; AU**

**Rating: M (For safety and possible situations)  
Genre: Romance/ Hurt/Comfort/Drama**

**Some quotes are from random books. More are from songs. Others I made up completely.**

**Inspiration: Inori~ You Raise Me Up by Lena Park, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, and Saving Zoë by Alyson Noël, plus a lot of other stuff.**

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews! You're so awesome!**

**I don't own any of the songs/quotes/book titles/authors in here, either!**

-----

**Chapter 11:  
The Last Song  
**

_Watch the ice turn to snow  
And the leaves a golden glow  
The clouds cover up the stars  
And the wind takes us home_

_-Gone in October _by Derek Daisey

**April 30****th****; 5:09 PM**

**Rukia:**

"Julliard?" Orihime's voice sounded through the room. "You got accepted into _Julliard_? That's great!"

"No. Not accepted _yet_," I corrected her, sighing. "I'm trying to have a positive attitude until I get the letter that will ultimately determine the rest of my life." I paused. "Oh, my god…"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Shut _up_. You're gonna get in. Has anyone seen Tatsuki?" We were at Dawn's place. Her parents were out doing whatever for their anniversary, and Austin was at a friend's birthday. So, for now, it was just us.

"Uh-uh." Orihime shook her head apologetically. "Sorry. I think she's out somewhere."

"No shit, Sherlock. She's not answering her phone." Dawn rolled her eyes. "So, anyway, Julliard. Does your dad _know_ you're applying?"

"No. And I'm not gonna tell him. He _still_ thinks I'm going to medical school. Sorry, daddy dearest, but the sight of blood makes me sick to my stomach. I can't." I faked a whiny little girl voice, which made the others giggle at my stupidity.

The door opened, and Austin walked in, dropping his bag on the couch.

"Hey, bro!" Dawn, in her good mood, sang cheerily, while her brother just grunted in reply, mumbling something about deranged older sisters and blackmail. "Love ya too!" She sang again, waving.

I raised an eyebrow. "What's got you so happy?"

"I don't know." She shrugged, still smiling. "Better to be happy now and sad later than to have never been happy at all, right?"

I think it was, 'Tis better to have loved and to lost than to never have loved at all,' but Dawn would always be Dawn, so stupid sayings and crap like that would always slip from her mouth.

"I guess…" Inoue mumbled to herself, a quizzical look on her face.

"Mmhm." I murmured in reply, too lazy to say anything more.

Dawn, rolling her eyes again, asked, "Okay. Orihime, what about you? Any college plans?"

"Mmhm. I like the idea of something like… Harvard or some other ivy league school like that."

Orihime could make it. She's in so many extracurricular activities, not to mention a 4.0 GPA for the entirety of middle _and_ high school. Dawn shrugged; she obviously thought so, too.

"Okay."

"And you?" I asked her, leaning back on the couch.

"Hmm… I don't know. Either wherever my dad went to law school, or I'll become an FBI agent. Either way, I'm going back to my roots and heading over to L.A." We all knew she'd be back there eventually; that's where most of her family lived, not counting the ones who lived in Spain.

Orihime smiled, "Spend your days in front of a courtroom and doing paperwork, or tracking down the bad guys? Hmm… what to choose, what to choose?" Her voice was sarcastic; very unlike Inoue. I shrugged, and made a face.

"I'd be FBI so I could pack a gun." I said, shifting on my couch seat.

"I picked FBI for the sake of justice and all that crap," Dawn laughed, sitting back in her chair. She seemed nervous for some reason, playing with her fingers and sighing every now and then. After a few minutes of silence, I finally broke the suffocating silence.

"What's on the news?" The TV was on mute, but the news broadcaster seemed frantic and loud on the television. Dawn shrugged, grabbing the remote, and restoring the volume.

"_Jasmine Holly here with the six o' clock news. Something happened this evening at…"_

"Huh, maybe a kid fell down a well." Dawn said with a small shrug. "Or maybe it's another burglary."

"Don't say that!" Orihime chastised, shaking her head. "It could happen!"

Dawn rolled her eyes, and I listened.

"_There was a burglary tonight at 2928 Tokiko Street. A seventeen-year old boy was attacked, and is in critical condition at Karakura General Hospital. It's unclear how…"_

I couldn't hear. Couldn't see. All I could do was feel. Feel the pain, uncertainty creep into my heart, my mind. Dawn's hand was on my shoulder, but Orihime's soft voice was what rang through the living area.

"Rukia, that's Ichigo's house."

I looked at my phone; it was on silent, and I hadn't looked at it all day.

_Three missed calls._

I recognized the number as Byakuya's. Then Ichigo's cell. And finally, Tatsuki's.

"I'll drive us," Was Dawn's immediate response to my silence, and she grabbed the keys. The metal linked with the blue fluffy keychain, and made an annoying clanging noise with the silver chain. Orihime's hand grabbed mine carefully.

"He'll be fine," She said, squeezing my hand reassuringly.

"Austin!" Dawn yelled for her brother, who came out of his room lazily.

"What?"

"Hospital, now. Get in the car." Her voice was hard, demanding, and strictly professional. He blinked, and nodded slowly, sensing the seriousness of the situation. He grabbed a magazine and his backpack, to pass the time with whatever.

The next thing I knew, I was in the car, halfway in tears, Orihime's arms around me comfortingly, and Dawn yelling at some old woman in the car ahead of us to _hurry up_.

"Ichigo…" I mumbled half-coherently, tears blurring my vision. "Oh, god, Ichigo…"

We were at the hospital ten minutes later.

-----

**Dawn:** I saw Orihime run to Ishida, a guy in our calculus class—oh, shit, when did they become a couple? Oh, well, it doesn't really matter, now does it? Ishida's dad owned the hospital, so of course he'd be here. Rukia was being comforted by Ichigo's dad and his two sisters. From what I'd heard, Isshin had been in the clinic, in the other building. The twins were at the mall.

I sat quietly next to Byakuya. "What're you doing here?" I asked quietly, gazing up at him curiously.

"I figured Rukia needed some help, but I don't think I'm needed much, anyway." He made a move to get up, but I grabbed his hand. He looked at me curiously.

"Don't…" I started, but stopped. I shut my eyes, tight. I opened them, looking at his beautiful face. "Don't go. I… I _really_ need someone right now." My hand stayed on his, and he didn't move. Instead he nodded, and put an arm awkwardly around my shoulders, half-hugging me.

I sobbed twice.

----------

**Rukia: **Isshin's smile was broken as he looked at me. His hair was disheveled, and he looked like one hot mess. I tried to ignore him, until Karin sat down next to me.

"You look like crap," She said bluntly, and I smiled.

"You do, too."

"Not as bad as you."

"Uh-huh." We laughed. She looked at the double doors leading to Ichigo, where he was in surgery, where he was bleeding, where he was fighting for his life from some idiot who put a bullet in his chest.

"He'll make it," I answered her unasked question.

"I know," Her voice was thick with tears. "I know…" Her voice was closer to breaking, now, and all of a sudden, she'd buried her head in the crook of my neck, not crying, but sobbing. I turned, rubbing her back.

"Shh, Karin. It's okay. He's gonna be okay. He's gonna be _juuuust_ fine."

And then, I was crying, too.

-------

**Byakuya:** Dawn was asleep, now, her head on my shoulder. I stroked her hair softly, and she stirred in her sleep. Tears stained her flushed cheeks, and I sighed.

_They must be good friends,_ I thought with a smile. A boy sat to my right, and I looked at him. He looked frighteningly like the seventeen-year-old at my left; he had that dark, chocolate-brown hair, the bright hazel eyes, and the tanned skin. He was probably ten or eleven.

"You… you're Byakuya, right?" His voice was questioning. I nodded, and shifted into a more comfortable position. Dawn grumbled in her sleep. I smiled slightly. "She really likes you." He nodded to Dawn, and I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm her brother, Austin," He half-smiled. "Pfft. Of course she'd fall for you, an older guy. Guess she never learns." He leaned back in the hospital chair and I blinked.

"What do you mean?"

"Hmm? Oh, right. D was head over heels 'in love' with a dude a couple years back. Dad didn't know, but mom did." He shrugged, and leaned forward, a hospital magazine in his hands. He threw it on the glass table. "Warned her not to stay with him."

He shook his head, and continued. "He was eight years older than her. As you get older, it may not mean much, but between a fifteen year old and a twenty-three year old, it's everything." He looked at his sister through his brown bangs. Smiled faintly. "He crushed her. Cheated on her with a girl from his college." He shook his head. "Don't break my sister's heart," Was all he said. He grinned foxily, and then walked away, probably to get a new magazine.

After a few moments, Dawn woke up. "Mmm… huh? Oh, Byakuya, hi. I'm sorry, hehe… did I snore?" She looked at me apologetically. Maybe it was what Austin said, or maybe it was something else, but I wrapped her in a hug. An innocent gesture, but I meant so much more.

She didn't question me, just relaxed and hugged me back. I'd never break her heart. Yes, I loved Hisana with all my heart and soul. But she'd want me to be happy. And right now, I was. Maybe one day I could learn to love her as more than a little sister figure, maybe it wouldn't last. Maybe it will. But I won't dwell on that.

Because for now, I'm content.

--------

**Rukia:** _Five hours._

It played in my head like screams from a horror film. Nearly five hours I'd been stuck here, worrying and wondering over the man I loved. And yes, I admit it, I loved him to bits. To shreds. I'll never _stop _loving him.

Isshin sat down next to me, and handed me a cup of coffee. I took it wordlessly. He spoke when he saw me make no move to drink.

"It'll get cold. Drink it, come on. You need the caffeine."

"No, I don't." I said stubbornly.

Isshin sighed. "You haven't slept since you came here, I can see it." I'm sure a two-year old could see it. Bags under my eyes, slouchy posture, irritated nature.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I'm just so… so…"

"Worried?"

"Mad, is more like it." I swallowed down more tears. Isshin smiled faintly.

"Why mad?"

"Because," I laughed bitterly, looking at the ceiling. "Because your son's an idiot… no offense," I added, smiling brokenly.

Isshin shrugged nonchalantly. "None taken."

"Ichigo's the best thing in my life right now," My eyes welled up with tears. "I've gotten so used to him, so used to being _wanted_." I shut my eyes tight. "That… that I can't imagine being without him… Oh, god. I can't believe this…" I was sitting Indian-style on the uncomfortable couch, head in my hands.

Isshin took one of them, and held it. "It's gonna be okay," He murmured, and he was more of a father than mine ever was, in that one moment. Without me noticing, the doctor made her way out, a somewhat happy smile on her face. 'Dr. Unohana' is what her name-tag said.

A nurse was stuck to her side, clipboard in hand.

"We have some good news about your son," The nurse, Isane, said happily. "He's in stable condition, but is asleep for now. Only one person is allowed in at a time."

Isshin smiled comfortingly at me, and nodded. "Go," He said, "I can annoy him later. He'd wanna see you."

I couldn't even nod; I was outta there in no time.

---------

"Better wake up soon, I swear to God," I whispered, holding his hand tightly. The sounds in the room were annoying, the only thing keeping me from sleeping. I wanted to, so badly. I was exhausted, seriously, but I couldn't sleep.

I glared at the clock, which told me it was a little past midnight, and then to the heart monitors, which told me he was alive. Just barely, but alive.

I sighed shakily, gripping his hand and laying my head down.

_Wake up._

------------

"Oh my god, hi." Mitsuki hugged Byakuya. She held his hands. Her fingers were cold.

"Mitsuki?" He was surprised. What would his sister be doing here?

"I heard what happened to Rukia. I wanted to see if you guys were okay."

"Where's Renji?"

Mitsuki bit her lip, "He's on a plane to Tokyo." He heard a slight choke in her voice.

He hesitated on asking. "Why?" Dawn looked from brother to sister. Her eyes were trained on the mysterious woman who claimed to be Byakuya's twin. She smiled at the older woman, who smiled back, albeit sadly.

"His aunt Luce," Mitsuki finally sighed, "Luce Abarai. Hibiki's sister, you remember? Well, she…" She laughed bitterly, "She took him in. The judge thought it was a good idea, seeing as how she has a few kids of her own…"

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. He's not even my family. I shouldn't be so shook up. After all, he'll come see me…" She smiled, and looked around. "Uh, Rukia? Where's Rukia?"

"In the hospital room, with Ichigo." Dawn finally spoke, motioning towards the crème colored double doors.

"Oh," And the Kuchiki woman said nothing more. She merely nodded, and sat down next to her brother, looking at this new girl plastered to his side. She was cute, but very young as well.

Mitsuki wrung her hands together nervously. She looked at her brother, mouthing out, in a bit of a warning,

_Don't screw up. Please, don't._

* * *

_I'm sorry._

"That doesn't change a thing, you bastard." She smiled, wiping away tears. She deleted Renji's text to her, and slid down the hospital wall.

_I don't really fucking care. Just come... and see me again. Don't break it to my heart._

_Don't break it to my heart..._

-------------------------------------------------_  
_

_Dear Diary,_

_It's… ah, been a while, huh?_

_I still feel, dreadfully so, like a total moron spilling my feelings to a book. But after all that's happened… rediscovering my sister, finding Ichigo, and actually—yes, actually—getting a tiny bit closer to my father. Maybe someday I'll be comfortable enough to call him 'Daddy' or something stupid like that._

_I wonder what Hisa would say. Something like… 'It'll be okay,' or she'd just change the subject, like she always did, and say, 'Thank goodness you and daddy are on good terms!' or something equally stupid and naïve._

_I know if anyone _ever_ reads my diary, and finds this page—they'll never know what's wrong, considering I haven't updated in forever._

_All I know is that I miss Ichigo. The orange haired buffoon. _My_ orange-haired buffoon. I loved the idiot, and that's a fact._

_Now, if only he'd wake up._

------------------

**Three days later:**

For three days, all I've done is eat, barely sleep, read Hisana's diary, or wait for Ichigo to wake up. I felt a prolonged sense of dread as I turned the page.**  
**

_Dear diary,  
Byakuya proposed! I… I don't think I've ever been so happy. Of course, we're really young, so we're gonna wait. Spring, that's what we decided. After college, after we get jobs, after everything, we're getting married. Our flower girl's gonna be Byakuya's niece, and Rukia, Mitsuki, Asuna, and Soi Fon are gonna be my bridesmaids. Yoruichi already grabbed the position of Maid of Honor.  
Oh—well, I have to go. _I_ have a flight to catch. I'm leaving you here, though, my dearest little diary. I don't see much point in taking you. I won't have any time to write! Ha!_

_I promise I will tell all when I come home. Bye!_

_-Hisana_

A tear splashed onto the page.

That was it. No… no, no, no… it _couldn't_ be through. It couldn't be over. I began tearing through the pages, looking for another entry. The tears were falling freely, now. Ichigo was almost gone—barely in my grip. Hisana's gone, now. Completely. Absolutely. Now that her diary's finished, who'll care enough to keep her memory alive?

I let the book drop, my face dropping into the palms of my hands. I leaned over Ichigo's bed, begging him silently to wake up. I couldn't let him go.

I couldn't let the best thing in my life go away, too.

* * *

Ichigo's eyes fluttered open slowly, and the first thing he caught sight of was Rukia's tangled mess of ebony hair. Her shoulders were shaking in a blue cardigan, her jeans ripped at the knees. She looked terrible.

"Rukia…" He whispered.

Rukia's head jolted up. "I-Ichigo?" She choked on his name, a sob ripping through her lips. He blinked, and pulled her close.

"Shh, Rukia. Shh, it's okay. It's alright." He murmured, stroking her hair. He didn't get a thing about this. He had just practically returned from the dead, and here Rukia was, crying tears that were probably not formed because of joy.

"You're such an idiot," She muttered, "Scaring me half to death like that. I hate you." She buried her head into his chest, careful to avoid the IV needles sticking out every which way.

He smirked. "You do not. What's wrong?"

"H-Hisana. Hisa's _gone_!" She sobbed like she was just now accepting it. She was. "She didn't f-finish… she…" A sob interrupted her. Ichigo spotted the book on the floor, and hugged her harder.

"She's not gone. She's with you." Ichigo was not normally a very mushy man, but this was an exception. He didn't really believe in Heaven, or God, or anything else like that. He didn't believe his mother was watching over him. But she needed guidance. And he'd be there for her.

"I love you." She mumbled sleepily.

Ichigo could feel his own eyelids drooping. _What the hell had just happened?_ "I love you, too."

_I love you._

* * *

"Sorry."

"For what?" He asked later that day, when he'd woken up again.

"For crying on you the minute you woke up and not being all Happy-Chappy." Rukia looked up, guiltily. The diary was stuffed into her purse, and she was looking at Ichigo sadly. She looked at the Spanish soap opera on TV, not getting anything but pretended to look mildly interested.

"It's _fine_." He looked up at the hospital TV screen.

"I understand, you know. About losing someone."

"Your mom." It wasn't a question. She nodded to herself. "I remember."

"You're not gonna ask about her? How she died?" He looked at her oddly. Usually that was the first thing a person asked when he brought his mother up which was, let's face it, not too often.

"I don't know any fragile way of stepping on your heart without breaking it."

Ichigo chuckled at his girlfriend. "Look at you, all philosophical."

"I'm just surprised you knew that word." She taunted back, grinning.

"I was nine. We were walking home from the dojo. I used to take karate when I was young. You know, with Tatsuki. It was raining, and you know how little kids get when it rains. They see puddles, and forget everything, running forward." He sighed. "I ran into the middle of the street. A car was coming. My mom..."

"I get it," She interrupted, a soft smile on her face, "You don't have to say anything more." She touched his cheek. "Nothing else." She kissed him. And as they let out every emotion capable of feeling when you go through something as traumatic as _almost dying_, they failed to notice a snickering shadow looking through a crack in the door.

Isshin Kurosaki smiled happily. "That's my boy..."

* * *

**That was… rushed. Ichigo's shot, then he's in the hospital, then he wakes up, and then Rukia starts crying cuz she randomly accepted her sister's death. Sorry if there's any confusion… review or PM me and I'll clear anything up.**

**Plz plz plz plz review!!**

**-tsuki**


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